could it be that one never truly forgets, or truly gets over, ones first love? im beginning to think that might be true. read on.I have a few friends that are in their mid-twenties and while I truly love them, I hate their boyfriends. I mean, my friends have college degrees, working on their second degrees, all while working full time and taking care of their parents and siblings. And what do their boyfriends of eight plus years do? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. They don't have full time steady work and never have. They don't have any degrees, just high school diplomas. They are perfectly content to live off of their girlfriends. I hate them and my friends could do so much better. So why don't they?
I posit that my friends are loathe to shake off these losers because these men are their first loves.
They were their first everything: dates, boyfriends, lovers, live-in partners, etc. I think these girls went into these relationships in their younger years with all of the usual girlhood hopes and dreams - longterm partners, engagements, marriage, kids - and are afraid to give that up by letting go of their relationships, no matter how bad they might be.
Why am I writing about this now? Because I've recently reconnected with my first boyfriend and its caused a huge wave of emotions within me.
He was my first boyfriend and the first boy I ever loved. He was the first boy I kissed, and was my first everything up to my first sexual partner. I thought we'd be together forever. I thought we'd get married and have kids. I thought we'd have it all - the Black and bougie American Dream.
Of course that wasn't to be.
But that didn't stop us from getting back together over the years. While the overtures, for the most part, came from his end, that doesn't mean I didn't experience feelings of attraction, emotion, fond remembrances. And perhaps the desire to reclaim those old dreams. But I've never acted upon those impulses.
But could I be like my friends? Could these feelings of mine be holding me back from finding happiness and a love of my own?
I want to say no, they're not, but I might be wrong.
2 comments:
does he read your blog? what's the worst that could happen?
@Sean, he does not read my blog but he is so very married. To the woman he started dating after me (story of my life, huh). Even though he tried to break up with her many many times, she threatened to kill herself if he did, so he didnt go very far. They have three daughters. And me? Well I live in a basement with three elderly cats.
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