Lola Gets...

Lord Help Me

2012-01-13T03:15:00.001-08:00

Trying to blog from my iPad is so hard with Blogger! Get an app, make it more user friendly, help a sister out you guys!

Sheesh.

Sp forgive all of my misspelling, grammatical mistakes, and lack of pictures. Blogger just won't let me on my iPad be great!

Dammit.

Reasons

2012-01-13T03:13:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about them a lot lately, reasons that is. Specifically, my reasons in engaging in various forms of social media: blogging, chatting, tweeting, tumbling, etc. And given the crowd I find myself following, my reasons are vastly different from the masses.

I do this because I want to. It's that simple.

I started blogging five years ago because I saw others were doing it, and I knew I could as well, so I started this site. I wanted to share bits of myself, to let people know about my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences. I've always been a pretty open and honest person, so this desire to share isn't new. So, once I had been blogging for a while, I decided to start memberships for my blog on Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr.

I've been somewhat active on those sites. I've enjoyed reaching out to more people and learning from them as well. I've also enjoyed attending meet-ups, conferences and other events. At these functions, I've learned so much, not just about the world of social networking.

Now, many of the people I've met, got into blogging with specific goals in mind. They wanted to build a writing career and publish books. Or they wanted to display their journalism skills and land a job. They want attention, they want a lot of followers. You get the idea. And that has never been me.

Don't get me wrong, I am an attention-whore, but I don't post, tweet, tumble to gain followers. I do what I do because I want to, not just to manipulate the masses.

Don't worry, no matter how few - or how many - readers and followers I have, I appreciate every single one of you...so keep coming back cuz you'll never know what you'll find!

Professionally Polished by Polished for Prom

2012-01-05T17:02:00.000-08:00

My long term readers know all about my relationship with the Shaw neighborhood in Washington, DC - I LOVE it! So when I learned about this upcoming event at the Watha T. Daniel Library in the Shaw neighborhood, I became very excited.

The non-profit organization Polished for Prom is hosting a mentoring event for young ladies aged 12-17 called Professionally Polished. Girls will receive guidance from guest mentors, food and drink, and giveaways!

If you, or someone you know is interested in attending, please RSVP by Monday, January 9, 2012 to: info@polishedforprom.com

What Im Going Through: Kitty Issues

2011-12-28T19:49:00.000-08:00

In my last post I said that a lot of things have been going on in my life, so let me tell you about one of them.

As you dear readers know, I am the proud owner of three rambunctious kitties. They are kinda up there in age, 15, 13 and 8, and have been going strong for most of the time. My male, Ivan, is a bit of a different story. He's always been sickly, and the past two years he's developed six new disorders, with the last one being lupus. He's in a decent amount of pain and the treatment for lupus can possibly damage his kidneys. So it looks like I'll have to put him to sleep soon. The thought of doing so is heartbreaking, as I've had him since he was two months old and fit into the palm of my hand. It's been an honor and a joy to have spent the last 13 years with him, and a great life lesson as well. I feel blessed that the fates allowed him to spend his lifetime with me.

So thats what Im going to be dealing with in the next month or so. Do you all have any stories of pets you've lost?

i would post a picture of ivan, but blogger wont upload photos from my ipad, lol

I'm Back!

2011-12-27T18:46:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened in these few months I haven't been blogging regularly. Some I'll talk about here, some I won't. But, since it's my life, it's always interesting, lol. So, please keep coming back to get the haps!

It Had To Be Done

2011-12-26T08:55:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back ladies and gentlemen, and I have my dear ex-husband to think for that! You see, hes friends with one of my friends On Facebook and today I decided to be bad and check out his profile. Yeah, it's not private. Its his lack pf privacy that made it able to see what he had written about me just this month. They weren't nice things and his dumbass best friend decided to chime in as well. Welp Michael, I decided to bring back this oldie but goodie, so go fcuk off!

Ok, perhaps it didn't, but Little Lola's feeling a wee bit vindictive today, so I'm going to do this anyways.

Readers, I was once married. I once had a husband. He was a fellow with whom I had a torrid relationship in high school, hooked up with again in college, and decided to elope with. This was a vary bad decision. He was/is not a good man. He has a horribly low character and hardly any morals of which to speak. He was/is a player, con artist, habitual liar, and white collar criminal. I believed his hype, was blinded by what was (at the time) the best sex of my life, and decided to marry him.

During our relationship this man mentally abused me, physically abused me, isolated me from family and friends, and stole from my grandparents. Because of this, when I divorced this man, I decided that I did not want him in my life in any way. Something that, at times, isn't that easy to do. Hes friends with the family of one of my friends (why, I don't know), and lives in a neighborhood next to mine (my old 'hood). I also see him around town a lot, as he doesn't have a car and takes public transportation around the city. But, unfortunately, hes found a way back into my life via the Internet.

No, he doesn't have this blog address (at least, I don't think - God I hope not). But, in an effort to up my readership, I joined MySpace.com, and thats where he got me. This man started sending me email, and flooding that page with comments. If he weren't a giant asshole, this wouldn't be a problem. But he is. And no matter what I do, he has a problem with it. He'll make snarky comments that start out well, but end badly, like:

"Good picture of you. I know I know. You don't wanna talk to me. It's cool. I certainly understand. I screwed you pretty fuckin' bad. You are soooo cool L, I guess I wanted to see how you were doin'. You sure are aging well, seriously. LOL "

Currently, he is pissed off that I'm ignoring him. I do not respond to any of his email, and even made my page private. But that only makes him madder.

I ran into him by chance this past Saturday while I was shopping in upper Northwest DC. I was exiting a parking lot and about to cross the street. He said:

"Oh, you know I'm going to say something to you, right?"

"I'm sure you are"

"I see you're driving the same car" (an interesting comment, as I bought the car waaay after I divorced him) "Oh, so you're not going to say anything? Well, nice talking to you L."

When I logged on to MySpace the following day, I got this in my inbox:

"you need to let it go, I swear

I cannot believe you actually wouldn't speak to someone you were married to. I was rollin' offa that there, I tell you. "

But that's not the kicker! Like a Nosey Nelly, I went to check out his page (he makes at least one a day, emailing me from different names). I was just browsing around when I found this motherfucker put me on his page! One example:

Heroes
my ex wives, for not killing me.Especially L.

THEN, as I'm looking at his pics - saw some of my niece and stepdaughter - I see that this motherfucker has captured a pic from MY page, and has it in his gallery! The caption reads:

ex wife #2

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!!!!

Because turnaround is fair play, I have decided to go there, and I therefore dedicate the following paragraph to my ex-husband, Michael Harkins.

Dickhead, I'm very sorry that my ability to pick up and move on without you infuriates you so much that you feel that you have to do whatever it takes to insinuate yourself into any part of my life, no matter how minute it is. I'm sorry you cant move on, even though I divorced you in 1994. The fact that we were married didn't matter much to you when we were, so don't expect it to mean anything to me now. After this post, I'm going to continue on as I had before. Knowing you, you'll do the same. Fuck you jackass.

As a Public Service Announcement (and since he decided to blow me up on his page), Ive decided to tell my readers a little about my ex-husband, in the hopes that it will save some poor, unsuspecting woman in the future.

Name: Michael James Harkins, Junior
Location: U Street/Cardozo area, Washington, DC
Employment: He apparently works in food service in the Mazza Gallerie area of town
Sexual Orientation; Says hes straight, but sleeps with both women and men
Drugs/Diseases: Hes had a variety of Sexually Transmitted Diseases. He has an addictive personality and has been addicted to food, alcohol, and almost any narcotic substance he can get his hands on. When I left him in 1994, he was doing crack.
Criminal Background: Has been in prison for a variety of offenses, but the last few have been credit card fraud. And below, you'll find his pic:

I know. I know you readers are thinking I shouldn't sink to his level; that I should stay over and above like I have in the past. But dammit, I'm only human and I have my limits! this fucker keeps pushing and pushing me, when all I want is to be left alone. So, Michael, here's a dose of your own medicine. And no, there wont be any sugar to help it go down easier. Go to hell.

Question of the Conference

2011-10-22T17:32:00.000-07:00

So, the question of the conference here at Blogalicious 2011 is...what is the best thing youve gotten out of the conference thus far?

my answers far are:

-I really enjoyed the break-out session on using social media for social good.

and

-Networking.

What are your answers thus far?

It's Blogalicious 2011 B!tch*s!

2011-10-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have posted tomy blog. Yes, I am at Blogalicious 2011 in Washington, DC. There's a whole lotta wommens here people,. LOYS. So, why am I here? What am I looking to get from this conference?

-Networking
-Find a web designer to redesign this puppy for me

That's about it. So pray for me y'all.

So, if you're at Blogalicious 2011, what do you want to get out of this experience? If you're not here, why would you attend a conference of bloggers? Would you even attend such a conference?

Let a sista know!

Manic Monday

2011-09-12T05:35:00.000-07:00

Todays selection isnt that manic, but it is a song Id been meaning to blog about this summer. This song will always be a summertime song for me as I was first introduced to it in the summer of 1990. Its very peppy, upbeat, and seems to affirm young womanhood.

(yeah, imma make that phrase work, lol)

The artist is important as well. This artist not only put female artists on the map, she's continued to defy the rules and break the molds that young, Black, female artists are sometimes confined to.

I have always loved this song, and have it on my ipod. If you live in the DC area, if you ever see me with dancing in public, its most likely to this tune, lol.

So, please enjoy Neneh Cherry's Kisses on the Wind!

Manic Monday

2011-09-04T23:03:00.000-07:00

I know Ive never featured this video before! I was reminded of the song and the group by the "Lovers Lane" episode of Cold Case. The original case was set in 1986 so the episode featured many great songs from that year. Its so amusing to me that this band was considered so "alternative" back then, so "punk" and now, its seen as so mainstream, it can be heard over the system in the shoe department at my favorite Nordstrom's.

So, please enjoy Heartbreak Beat by the Psychedelic Furs!

Psychedelic Furs- Heartbreak beat by Electric_Eye

Manic Monday

2011-08-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

I was reintroduced to this song recently, so I thought Id feature it on todays Manic Monday. Its not terribly manic, but it funky and upbeat, so that makes it suitable.

And Im exactly sure about the message - I think its about an overprotective/jealous man who wont let his girlfriend be free to be herself. I could be wrong though. That reminds me of one of my earlier boyfriends. He was constantly telling me to sit down, be quiet, stop singing, dancing. God, he was so boring! That was one of the reasons I didn't want to reconcile with him later.

So, Id love for you all to take a listen to the words of N.E.R.D.'s She Wants to Move, and let me know what you think the song is about, ok?

(Belated) Manic Monday

2011-07-06T12:23:00.001-07:00

I should have posted this Monday, but I was late, lol. I've featured this song in years past, and its an all-time favorite for me. Its a great concert performance, its lyrics are bad as shyt. Im just sad I cant find the extended version online because its just that fabulous!

So, please enjoy America by Prince!

Sorry Guys!

2011-07-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

I know its been a a long, long time since I've posted here. Im sorry. Stuff started getting hectic and then I started having increased pain issues so I wasn't motivated to write and post. But Im trying to get back to y'all.

Also, this template makes me have a sad. I think redoing this site will be something Ill do before the year is out...I just need to determine what I want and who I want to do it.

So anyway, Im back biatches!

Manic Monday

2011-04-24T21:01:00.000-07:00

This Manic Monday offering is a catchy little ditty. A serious oldie but goody. You can find many references to it in pop culture. One of my favorites is the character of Barney on How I Met Your Mother.

So, please enjoy AC/DCs Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap!

Manic Monday

2011-04-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

I know I've been gone for a while dear readers, and Im sorry. I've been having a hard time lately dealing with an increase in my pain level, and I haven't felt like doing much. But Im trying to fight back and have some new posts for you!

Todays Manic Monday tune is quite catchy. I first heard of this band on a late-night talk show. I just thought they were so animated and so good, I fell in love with this remake.

So, please enjoy Alien Ant Farm's Smooth Criminal!

Manic Monday

2011-03-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

THIS is a brand new song to Lola Gets Life, but Ive definitely featured this band before. This band was my first intro into the world of alternative music, and Ive loved almost everything theyve done. This particular song isnt that "manic", but it is a wonderful song that has so many meanings in my life. and, hopefully, in yours - so enjoy!

This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) by the Talking Heads

This group never did a video for this song, so this is a recorded live performance, and its really very good.

Man-Isms

2011-03-18T08:53:00.000-07:00

i have met some interesting people in my life, and here are some of the funny things they have said before - enjoy!

If you're a regular reader, you know that Little Lola meets and interacts with some very, um, interesting menfolks. Well, this post is dedicated too all of them mens, who have said (and done) some incredibly, um, humorous things! Please read on:

"Oh, no, I cant do that now, I don't feel too well, my stomachs acting up."
The Fast And The Furious' (FAF) response to the question, "Hey, why don't you play with my G-Spot?"

"But that's why I bought the couch."
FAFs response to my suggestion to move the coffee table to the side so we could fuck on the spacious living room floor.

"I'm going to put my dick...right...here...."
FAF letting me know his plans for the immediate future.

"Well, Id have to offer a standing apology, because I often don't do what I say I'm going to do, due to the nature of my job."
New guy, Dover State Dude, when asked if he thought he owed me an apology for not keeping his word.

"I see what your problem is, you have trust issues!"
Bad 80s Cliche, when asked why he jetted off after our date, like he was late for curfew at the halfway house.

"You have the same car, I see...so how have you been?"
Ex-husband, when I ran into him 2 months ago.

"I don't ask people questions because I don't want to get personal."
PhD Dude when asked why he only talked about himself.

"I cant take you with me to Florida - my sex drive is too high for you to handle!"
Undercover gay guy at work, when talking about his upcoming vacation.

"The morning is the best time!"
Various lecherous men at work, when told it was too early to be talking about sex.

I hope you found these comments as ironic and hilarious as I did...if I think of any more, Ill post again!

Whats the funniest thing someone of the opposite sex said to you?

My First Time

2011-03-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

just one of my many firsts - enjoy!

In this lifetime, we have many, many firsts. Our first steps, our first words, our first kiss, our first time having sex. And the list doesnt end when you reach adulthood. You have your first car, your first house, your first marriage...lol. Well today Id like to discuss a different kind of first: my first threeway-bootycall.

Now we've all had bootycalls - at least if you're sexually active (or have been) and you're over the age of 18 - I think its safe to say that someone at some time called with the intent on getting some hot lovin'. Ive had my share of them too. For the past ten years, I haven't really taken them, as I don't like they way those situations usually go. At the beginning of the BC relationship, things start out ok enough, I guess. The new man is looking to please and be pleased and that's a good thing. But as time passes, in my experience, those desires to please become weaker and weaker, and the man usually only does enough to get you to get him off. And that just doesn't work for me. I mean, I can have a better time by myself!

As you know, The Fast And The Furious as been treating me like a booty call - calling me at strange hours of the night, asking me to come over right then, and getting mad and hanging up when I don't (there are other reasons I don't like the last minute come over calls, but Ill address in a future post where Ill compare and contrast the pros and cons of male swingers vs regular guys - keep reading, it'll be a hoot!). Well earlier this week, FAF stepped up his Bootycall game!

One a.m. on Monday night/Tuesday morning, I get a text message from FAF saying that he and a fellow coworker, lets call him Opie, were hanging out and talking, and wondering how I was doing since Id been fired. I was awake and bored, so I called them back. The conversation started off innocently enough with FAF making small talk. Then Opie took the phone and got straight to the point:

"What are you doing right now?"

"Nothing. Reading, getting ready for bed."

"Bed? What?! You should come over!"

"I'm too tired to drive."

"Well, catch a cab, we'll pay for it! You know I think you're hot, and Id love to fuck you. Don't you like white guys? I'm not small, I'm hung!"

At some point, I told him to give the phone back to FAF, but Opie kept talking in the background loudly enough for me to hear him. I don't remember every single comment but his basic sentiments were thus:

I want to fuck the shit out of you
I want to lick your pussy until you scream
Come over and get this now
Now while Opie is shouting this in the background, FAF is saying,

"You can hear Opie, and of course you know how I feel, so why don't you come over??"

LMAOOOOO

Throughout the call I was alternately laughing and saying no. I finally got off the phone, saying that I don't do the immediate come-overs, and if FAF was interested in hooking up later on in the week, he should call and we could schedule something (which he did, details later).

I have never been so absolutely, freakin amused in my entire life! I found that entire conversation hilarious! WHAT makes drunk guys think that drunk dialing actually works? WHY did these fools think that I would just uproot myself at that late hour to go and be alone with two drunken idiots?? From experience FAF knows I'm not a call-and-come-over kinda gal, so why waste everyone's time? I don't know, don't really care, but it makes a great blog post, doesn't it?!

I hate to say this, but I'm actually toying with the idea of hooking up with Opie.

hehehe

Solo though. Ive never done the 2 man 1 woman thing outside of a party situation, and I definitely wouldn't do it with men I didn't trust (and if these guys were true swingers, they woulda had this shit planned earlier, but check future post for those details, lol). Plus FAF is becoming more and more boring, if such a thing is possible, so including him would be a total buzz kill. Although, Id let him watch!
hehehe

Manic Monday

2011-03-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

Todays Manic Monday feature is another fave of mine - and of course its on the iPod! Theres only one thing I dislike about the song, and that it seems to place more of the responsibility on the woman than the man...don't know what Im talking about? Well, check out the video!

Sex by Berlin!

ps - im sorry for the lag between the music/video, but this was the only one i could find!
:(

Hot Latex Lovin'

2011-03-10T16:24:00.000-08:00

i might have written this years ago, but i still feel the same - enjoy!

You know, I might not have had sex at the sex party, but I did come away with many, many topics for my blog! One of which is use, or lack thereof, of condoms in modern society. I'm about to put folks on blast, but there are many things I just don't understand!

Let me give you all some background information: I'm a single, Black woman (divorced). I date occasionally, and sometimes enter into long-term sexual relationships, but that doesn't happen very often. The last "committed" relationship I had was in 2002, and lasted for 6 months. I did date a fellow somewhat seriously last year, but we had no commitment. In this century alone, I have spent four and a half years celibate and been sexually active for the other two and a half. At this time, I'm dating men, and even had sex one day with The Fast And The Furious, but that's it for this calendar year. And, most importantly, I haven't had sex without a condom since 1995. Perhaps this spotty dating/sexual history is the reason I don't understand the following phenomenon:

Folks who are not in a committed relationship having unprotected sex with each other.

This I don't get. Not at all. Not one damned bit.

See, Ive been thinking about this phenomenon since early Saturday evening, as me and Tariq were driving to the sex party. T has been dating a woman for about six months, and they're not committed, but they don't use condoms when they have sex. Then, at the party, I witnessed a very fascinating, very disturbing situation.

Ok, there was a staging area, where two couples were fucking - very visibly cause of the heights and the lights. One couple had the woman on top. The couple to their right had the woman on the bottom. The top woman stops fucking her man to go to the bathroom. That's when I noticed he wasn't wearing a condom. While his woman was away, bottom dude rolled over to his right, and stuck his dick in the mouth of the woman being fucked. Then, when the top woman returned, dude took his dick out of the girls mouth and stuck it in the top woman's pussy and they resumed fucking.
Um, yeah.

Now, I remembered the top woman couple - I had talked to the man a few times. He was interested in me (naturally! lol). Because men usually have to be escorted into the party by a woman, when I meet a new man (this is a club), I always ask who they're with that evening. That bottom dude said he was with "a friend." Huh??

Ok, so its the year 2007, and we got all kinda diseases out there - multiple strains of HIV, HPV, and Herpes; we got syphilis; chlamydia (which is sometimes asymptomatic, especially in women); and gonorrhea - and folks think its ok to expose themselves too all of this through having unprotected sex with people they don't have a commitment with??

I know, I know, a "commitment" doesn't mean anything, I got that. Folks can still cheat. But in theory, a commitment means that folks are on the same page, and don't do anything to harm the other person.

But if folks are just "dating around" shouldn't they take the minimal precautions to protect themselves and their partners from diseases (and perhaps pregnancy too)? Is the feeling, the sensation of natural intercourse so intoxicating that folks are willing to risk diseases (and pregnancies)??

That's just the physical dimension to condomless sex. For me, there's another part, the emotional.

I'm a woman (lol) and sometimes, sex is a very emotional experience for me. When a man wears a condom, its kind of like a barrier between us, so I don't feel as connected emotionally to him. Which is great for me, cause I haven't met/dated many men with whom I wanted to be that deeply connected to. But if I were to have sex without a condom, on a regular basis with a man, I know I would become hopelessly attached, emotionally and physically. If that relationship did not turn into marriage, I would be devastated. These theories are based upon on what occurred the last time I went condomless with a man.

So what is it with all these other people? Why are they not as affected by condomless sex as I am? Why are they not becoming attached to the people they're barebacking with?? Are they succeeding in this by just focusing on the physical, ignoring the emotional?? Man, Iont know.

I do know this: I cant do that, so I just wont. Don't even think of asking me, either, lol.

L

Lola in "The Lifestyle"

2011-03-07T17:50:00.000-08:00

this is my history in "the lifestyle" - enjoy!

Well, I first began going to parties in July of 2002. It was the summertime - it was hot, I was horny (hey, its a Lola thing), and the dude I was sleeping with at the time was acting funky, when I happened across a BlackPlanet page dedicated to a swingers club. It looked interesting, I was off that Saturday ( a rare occurrence at that time, as I was an HIV Outreach worker and worked in nightclubs), so I decided I would check it out.

It was held in a large, private home, owned by a friendly lesbian couple. There were appetizers, a fully stocked bar, and a getting-to-know-you session before the play started. There were about 40 people there. At this function, there was a woman who ran the party games, who also acted as a matchmaker for those persons who were too shy to forge out on their own. She and I talked over beverages (I don't drink), and she went to find me a suitable partner. I had a lot of interested parties; it was a good night! Because I had a good first experience, I was interested in seeing how other folks partied, and I attended the functions of two other clubs. That was it for my swinging in 2002, cause I landed a boyfriend a few months later, and stopped partying.

I began attending Lifestyle functions in 2006, mostly because of my friend Tariq. You see, in "The Lifestyle" a man generally has to be accompanied by a woman to get into functions. Party throwers like to keep the male/female ratio equal...for the most part...but women are more accepted than men. T wanted to go to a party, and since I'm the one that took him to his first function, he asked me to take him again. So we picked a club and went to a function! Because the rules of the club changed, T and I paid for a years membership in that organization. And that's how my year o'Swingin began!

That one membership led to another membership in a Baltimore club, AND led to attending several other functions as well. Man, it just snowballed! T is more adventurous than I, so he just dove right in. Me, I'm a little more cautious, and, according to T, have extremely high standards (lol), so I only fooled around a wee bit. So, given my year plus experience, let me tell you what the pros are:

-Women are always wanted - by men, by couples, EVERYone welcomes a single woman, so you don't have a shortage of partners (if you choose, lol).

-If you choose the right partner, your needs are catered to (but you gotta choose right).

-As I said earlier, I didn't always partake in the festivities, but I did enjoy watching (learned some thangs) and listening (I LOVE the sounds of sex). So even when I didn't get down, I had a good time.

-As a woman, people don't see you as the "aggressor" so they're more likely to talk to you. Ive had some great conversations at swinger parties. Hell, one woman even taught me how to do the SuDoKu puzzle!

-I love being naked, so attending functions is great, because I do be that way the entire time!

There have been a few negative experiences:

-Attempting to have sex with a dude T and I call Donkey Dick, and getting 4 vaginal lacerations.

-Forgetting to bring lube, and the negative rammifications of that.

-There have been times where none of the really "attractive" people were interested in me, so I didn't do anything.

-Stressful moments trying to come up with outfits that conform to the clubs standards/themes for the evening.

All in all, Ive had positive experiences in The Lifestyle. Ive met a lot of fun people, done some fun things. I plan on continuing it, somewhat, in the future. Id recommend it to anyone that wants to explore and experiment with their sexuality.

How does my experiences with swinging compare to my experiences in dating?? I can damned sure tell you that I have FAR better experiences with swinging than I do in the singles scene! Its pathetic, but its true!

Like I said, I'm a woman, so I'm more in demand. Hell, there was one night last year where I had two couples and two single men trying to get with me! Cant say that's true in the bars, clubs, lounges, malls, etc., I go to.

In dating, you spend money to make yourself look good, you might even spend money going out with someone, and there's no guarantee that you'll make it to a place where you'll have sex, GOOD sex, or even a brief relationship! In swinging, you spend money to look good, you spend money on entrance fees, and there's a GOOD damned chance you'll get yours that night! And even if your first choice in partners is a dud, there's others there, ready for the picking, that might could do you better!

There's nothing more Id love to do than to find the right man, a good man, for me, and date/marry. Set up a household and perhaps have/adopt a kid or two. BUT, he would have to accept all of the sexual me - the exhibitionist, the voyeur, the nudist, the masochist, IN ADDITION TO the rest of my crazy self! lol Honestly, the older I get, the less likely it seems.

Hope I answered all of your questions. If you guys have any more, please hit me up in the comments or email!
*smooches*
L

Manic Monday

2011-03-06T21:15:00.000-08:00

This Manic Monday offering just happens to be one of my all time favorite songs! I remember when they came out, and I would watch the videos on HBO and be amazed that even though this was a European band, they had a Black dude rocking out in it! And yeah, we used to laugh at the fact that dudes afro was a lil' slanted, but he was still cool.

So, please enjoy Big Country's In a Big Country!

Big Country-In A Big Country
Uploaded by adiis. - See the latest featured music videos.

Dominant/Submissive?

2011-03-03T00:00:00.000-08:00

here is what i consider the beginning of my education about the world of bdsm. enjoy!

As some of you dedicated readers already know that Ive been interested in BDSM. A few months ago, I ordered and read Claudia Varrin's "Art of Sensual Female Domination." It was fascinating. It talked about the methodologies for exerting dominance over men, consenting men that is, lol.

Well, I got some PayPal money last week, so I decided to check out some more of Varrin's work. In yesterdays mail, I got her "Female Submission: The Journal of Madeline" which is basically about her stint as a submissive to an English Dom. Ive only read 10 chapters so far, but I like, I like!

In today's mail, I received the other book, "Erotic Surrender: The Sensual Joys of Female Submission." I'm really looking forward to that one! But I'm going to try to hold of on reading that one til I finish the first.

I'm not quite sure how far I want to get into the world of BDSM, but I do enjoy some aspects of it. I once dated a Dom. We dated for about 6 months, and I only saw him about once a month. He was a very strong and powerful dominant. He was good looking and well educated to boot! Given that I was a novice to the game, all we basically did was a little boundary pushing and exhibitionism. I never let him collar me (cause he wouldn't explain what it meant to me - you've got to appeal to my mind first!) and I never had sex with him - I knew that if I did, Ida been left walkin round town with my nose all wide open nshyt! And I wouldn't even have gotten the man either!

But ever since then, Ive been hoping to meet up with another like that, so I could explore some more. Right now, I think Ill just have to content myself with my reading!

Real Swingers Do It Better

2011-03-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

here's the second part of the series Single Sex vs. Swinging - tell me what you think in the comments!

In an earlier post, I said I had some experiences that made me reflect once again on the benefits of "The Lifestyle", ie swinging. As you know, I have been in the lifestyle for several years. My experiences with The Fast And The Furious (FAF) stemmed from my desire to date/mate/relate to someone individually - which honestly Id prefer much more, once I found the right person. But my experiences with FAF have made me realize the many, many ways in which swinging is much more preferable. Earlier I compared a single womans prospects in both dating and swinging. Today, I am going to compare Real Swingers (RS) and Regular Guys (RGs) in a piece I call,

Real Swingers Do It Better!

RS' - Plan, they dont play that "booty call" shit and call you all late at night and ask you to come over right then. Real Swingers know that that special kind of fun requires some time and planning. Folks need time to wash, shave, clean, purchase lingerie, condoms, toys, etc.. Plus, you also have to factor in a womans cycle...so they dont have any problem calling you on the phone and arranging for a play date days later.

RGs - If youre not their wife, fiancee, girlfriend, or someone they want to date, then theyre all about the booty call: a late night phone call with an offer to get together right away, and thats it. They dont want to plan, they dont want to defer their pleasure, its now or never for them.

RS' - Are prepared, they have condoms, lube, wipes, washcloths/towels, and they might even have "special extras" like lube that tingles and toys!

RGs - They'll have condoms, if youre lucky. But thats about it. They might even run out of those, cuase they dont have a lot.

RS' - Set the stage. They'll create a "play" area, they'll clean said area, and they'll clean all other areas that might be seen by their partner; the bathroom and perhaps even the kitchen.

RGs - Theyll "freshen up" the bed or couch, cause they plan on using that, but dont expect much else. They might even straighten up the bathroom, but dont go poking around, you never know what nastiness you might find!

RS' - Understand why you're there - to have fun and get off - and they dont have a problem doing what needs to be done to make that happen for both of you!

RGs - Again, if youre not a significant woman in their lives, dont expect any special treatment. Theyll engage in the very basics, and if you get off, you get off, and if you dont, well....

Whats my preference? If we're talking about straight sex, just two people getting off and having fun, based on my experiences with both swinging and booty calls, Id rather have the swinger. They are more likely to be in it for the total sexual experience, not just to get themselves off.

Manic Monday!

2011-02-27T22:42:00.000-08:00

One of my Facebook friends reminded me of this Manic Monday song last week. Im telling you that because this song certainly isn't indicative of anything I've been doing in the past week - I've been sick as a dog!

Anywho, please enjoy Quiet Riot's Cum on Feel the Noize!

Single Sex vs Swinging

2011-02-24T21:30:00.000-08:00

i decided to repost this because i was talking about this very subject just last week. tell me what your thoughts are!

Yes, I said I was going to do this, and now I am! We are going to try to compare and contrast the pros and cons of sex as a single woman Dating, versus the Swinger lifestyle. This should be a good read!

This post was getting to be waaay too long, so I decided to break it into three posts: Dating, Swinging, and Finer Points of the Two. Below, is "Dating."

Wikipedia defines "dating" as: "the activity of looking for a suitable partner for an intimate, sexual relationship...a person may date many different partners during the same period in order to have the best chance of finding their most suitable available mate...in American English, the phrase can also mean that it is an exclusive relationship."

One can find a date almost anywhere: church, the club, bar, grocery store, the Internet, hell even walking down the street, one can find someone to go out with. But dating can be a gamble. One has to do things to make themselves look good (barbershop, beauty parlor, get dressed up, etc.). And one must have the money to go out in the first place - particularly the men, since traditionally it is they who must pay for the bulk of the date. Going on a date is somewhat like an interview - you have to sell yourself and hope to be found pleasing by your date. And, if you are, then you get to do this all over again! And, if you're lucky, possibly even have sex.

Sex within the definition of dating is tricky also. Even if you find the other person attractive, they might not find you attractive. And even if there is mutual attraction, the timing of the first coitus us important, as it may alter the way your date thinks/feels about you. And even if you do figure out the best moment to have sex for the first time, there's no guarantees that either of you will be any good, or will have a good time. And, depending on how much you have invested prior to the first coitus, you might not be able to walk away from the bad sex, and be stuck with the person for some time.

One of my coworkers, no not FAF, lets call this dude "Bob" said, "dating is hell." And it can be. You meet someone new, get your hopes up that this person might be good for a few days/weeks/months of dating fun, sex, relationship, etc., and your hopes get dashed, and you find yourself having to go through that process over and over again. You risk so much of yourself to find that special person that makes your heart sing, and if you keep coming up short, that pain builds up over time into what some people call "baggage."

But, if you take it light, take it easy, and try not to take it, or yourself, too seriously, then it can be mostly fun. Dating is a learning process, a space in time to grow and learn about yourself and others.

Next up: Swinging!

Makin’ A List, and Checking It Twice - Repost!

2011-02-22T23:30:00.000-08:00

i have no idea why i decided to repost this today...other then its still funny as hell. tell me what you think in the comments!

One day last week, I got a strange text message from a male friend, let’s call him Romeo. Romeo asked me how many women that we knew in common he had had sex with. You see, Romeo and I are friends, and we exist in a loose group of friends, a social network, that was initiated on the Internet. We all chatted with each other, sometimes several times a day, which naturally progressed to conversations offline, and “meet n greets.” (Y'all know what I’m talking bout, lol). These functions occurred in many cities, in several states, and had a varying number of attendees. And, of course, seeing as we’re all young and horny, folks hooked up. In that group, I’ve fooled around with one fellow after one event (gorgeous body, shitty bed manner). But Romeo, he’s a different bird altogether. His number of women fucked adds up to 5. How do I know this? Well when I responded to his text, Romeo said, “When I go home, Ill check ‘The List.’” WTF? The List??

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Romeo has A LIST. When he got home that evening, he called me to confirm his number, so of course I asked how in the hell was he corroborating this. And that’s when he told me about his THE LIST. Apparently Romeo has been keeping track of the women he’s fucked since 1999. He not only keeps names, dates, and physical descriptions, he keeps track of a large number attributes. Breast size, butt size, overall body rating, he rates their blow jobs, how they take a pussy licking, how they fuck, how freaky they are… and other things I cant even remember now! And boyfriend has this list on his computer, IN EXCEL, and has a numerical ratings system built into that document! So, once he enters in the variables, the program then computes the woman’s overall rating. All I could do was shake my head when he told me. I was at a loss for words, lol.

I don’t keep a hard copy “list” myself. In this day and age, what with STDs nshyt, one needs to keep a record of the partners one has had. I like to know where and how I can contact past sex partners in the event that they gave me something and I have to administer a beatdown. But I don’t have a written out list. And I certainly don’t have one on my computer, in Excel, lol.

Romeo and I then discussed “list keeping” and gender. I think that men are more likely to keep a list like his, and that women are more likely to have a set-up like mine. Men are more visual, and they prefer to deal in tangibles, thus I feel, they’re more likely to have an actual written accounting of their “conquests.”

What do you readers think? Do you keep a list? If so how and how long have you had this list? Id love to hear!

Manic Monday!

2011-02-20T23:03:00.000-08:00

While Ive featured this band before many many times on Manic Monday, Ive never showed this video before. This band was so symbolic of the alternative music of the 80s, and was my first introduction into the world of alternative music. This particular video is from their movie and album True Stories.

So, please enjoy the Talking Heads' Wild Wild Life!

Valentines Day Rituals

2011-02-14T23:23:00.000-08:00

this is an oldie but goodie. i thought about sending flowers to someone this year, but didnt. couldnt think of anyone who might appreciate the gesture and the effort. but enjoy!

I think everyone has at least one, if not several. If we like this holiday, we show the special people in our lives how much we love them. If we don’t like this holiday, then we spend the day (or week, perhaps) having loud discussions about the crass materialism of this day, and sulk. This year, I was tempted to renew one of my past practices: sending men flowers.

Now, I’m sure you’re saying, “Lola, that’s not that original. LOTS of women send their sweeties flowers on Valentine’s day.” And you’d be correct. But I’m not talking about sending flowers to anyone I was involved with. I used to send flowers to a random man, one that I either knew or had met recently, and who I wanted to catch the attention of. Not necessarily the romantic attention of, but attention nonetheless.

It all started when I had to go to the ER in January of 1998. I went in for chronic pain aggravated by the symptoms of the common cold. My heart was racing, I was dehydrated, and in a lot of pain. The ER tech who inserted my IV was a cutie with long locs. I recovered quite nicely, and was back at work in a few days. So, when Valentine’s Day rolled around, I decided to send the man some flowers. I choose a nice little arrangement, nothing too feminine, and sent it to his job, along with my number. He liked the arrangement, and told me so when he called. We went out twice. He was very nice and we had fun. I felt very good about the whole thing. I did it for the next two years, sending flowers to two different men, but I stopped in 2000. Well, this year I wanted to rejuvenate that tradition.

You see, this past Sunday night, I had a little mishap at my home. I thought I heard human footsteps on my roof. I’ve had a problem with the hoodlums in my neighborhood for years, and I thought that they were come up with a new way to harass me. So I called the cops, and was connected to a nice young man (20s I believe) who quickly assessed the situation and dispatched the police. He then said he would stay on the phone with me til the cops arrived. (Nice huh? I guess DC is trying to improve its customer service?) Well, it took the cops about 10 minutes, so dude and I talked for a while. One can only talk about a crime in process for so long, so we started talking about, of all things, hair. He said he was from East Africa, and had a short natural. He also said he loved natural hair on women (and that he had no girlfriend and no kids) When I told him I had shoulder length natural hair, it sounded like he was a little excited(!). But he was very nice and very sweet, and I told him so when the police arrived, and I got off the phone. After the police left, I thought that that fellow would be the perfect recipient of a Lola Gets’ Valentine Bouquet! I mean, I had his name, and I coulda figured out where his office was, but alas, I didn’t have the money! WAAAAAAAAHHHHH! I’ve had to take off a few days due to my cold, and my paychecks have been short, so I just didn’t have the money! Oh well. Perhaps we’ll meet again in the future, lol.

Manic Monday!

2011-02-13T21:02:00.000-08:00

I have truly outdone myself today ladies and gentlemen! Today I am featuring a song I have always loved, and a video I have never seen! This band was huge back in the 80s, so I know you're gonna love it. And, with today being Valentines Day, the topic of this song might just be apropos for some...ahem.

Please enjoy, So Lonely by the Police!

Your Country Breakfast Is Ready!

2011-02-09T12:45:00.000-08:00

No, Lola’s not doing any cooking for you readers today, no that phrase is one of my beloved personality’s favorite sayings. Today I want to talk about a Black man who you wouldn’t normally hear about in any Black History Month presentations. Nay, in my opinion, this Black man doesn’t get all of the recognition he deserves, but perhaps that’ll change in the future. Today, Id like to talk about a man I love, RuPaul.

That’s right, I said it! Ru mothafukin Paul!

The first time I saw his video for “Supermodel (You Better Work)”on Video Jukebox, I was stuck in a wheelchair on the second floor of my grandparents’ house, high off of painkillers. I liked the tune – thought it was catchy, but I was having a hard time with my high self trying to tell if that was a woman or a man dressed as a man. But when I finally saw RuPaul standing next to someone, I realized that no natural born woman could ever be that freakin tall. But that wasn’t the first time Id ever seen him in a video.

The first video I ever saw RuPaul in was the B-52s “Love Shack.” In it he was wearing white short shorts and a big ass Afro. Again, I thought he looked good, but given the brief shots he was in, I still couldn’t tell if that was a natural born woman or a man. But he still looked good.

In both videos RuPaul was gorgeous, funky, and ever-so-confident, and I loved that! So you know I just had to get his autobiography when it came out in 1995. Its called, “Lettin It All Hang Out: An Autobiography.”

(I took a lot of notes doing this research, but Imma try to keep it down)

RuPaul was born in San Diego, California sometime in the 60s (a lady doesn’t reveal her age). Originally his parents were from Louisiana. He always knew he was “different” but he was always comfortable being himself.

He loved both of his parents, but seems to have connected more with is mother. Despite having three other sisters – 2 older, 1 younger – RuPaul still had a lot of free time as a child. He engaged in some petty crime, mostly to fund his minor drug use – marijuana and alcohol. In 1976 he moved with his older sister and her husband to Atlanta. RuPaul had always been involved in the arts. In school he was in the drama club, did children’s theater, and even attended two “arts” high schools.

RuPaul began doing drag himself after he saw the show of an Atlanta drag queen, Crystal Labjia in 1978, and dropped out of high school. But his career really took off in 1981, when he began to become involved in the entertainment industry in a variety of ways, including:

-Cable access shows – comedy and music
-Bands – RuPaul and the Uhauls, and Wee Wee Pole
-Posters – made up posters of himself and plastered them around the city
-Movies – low budget gory flicks, including Starrbooty
-Books – “If You Love Me, Give It To Me” and others
-Revues – "RuPaul Is Hot", and others
-Plays – The Rocky Picture Horror Show

RuPaul bounced between Atlanta and New York doing these various things, and experimenting with different looks, different ways of “drag.”

In the late ‘80s RuPaul reached a personal low point. He’d been in the entertainment industry, but hadn’t felt he’d gone anywhere. Ruru was living at the home of one of his sisters, making no money, wasn’t a celebrity, and was contemplating suicide. Two things stopped him: His love for Oprah (she was an inspiration because she overcame adversity to become the success she was) and he didn’t want to let down his mother. So he packed up and headed back to New York City in 1989, and decided to focus on “drag queen realness.”

This move would herald the beginning of his stardom. While working as a drag queen act at a club called The Love Machine, he was noticed by the B-52s and asked to be in their video. In 1990, RuPaul was crowned Queen of Manhattan, and was the first Black person to win that award. He stopped drinking and doing drugs and began to take care of himself.

While doing this, RuPaul made a demo tape of him singing, and eventually got a call from Tommy Boy records – which shocked him initially, because that label was usually known for its hard core rap acts. But they loved him, and he then recorded “Supermodel (You Better Work).”

His tour for this first album, “Supermodel” took RuPaul around the United States and Europe. When it ended, he settled in Hollywood, and did a number of appearances:

-Arsenio Hall – twice!
-CNN
-MTV Awards
-Saturday Night Live
-Did duet with Elton John and was presenter with John at the English Brits, their version of the Grammy’s.

I loved this book for a variety of reasons. RuPaul talked about the ups and downs in his life with no apology and no preaching. He just presented himself like he was an everyday person, just like he was one of us. I particularly liked the final chapters of his book, where he allows himself to become somewhat philosophical. Some of my favorites quotes are:

How one should not live by the rules: “… I have always chosen to follow my heart rather than follow their rules…”

“Reality is what is inside of you.”

"RuPaul is an extension of the power that created this universe and we are all manifestations of its love.”

“The RuPaul experience is rather like a ride in a theme park: You put a quarter in the slot, and off I go!”

And my particular favorite, from page 210

“…In order to transition, to change, you have to go through a “cleansing.” One way of doing this is to talk about all your stuff, to spill your beans (and not hide).”

I also love the fact that RuPaul realizes that he is multi-dimensional. That he isn’t just a man, or a drag queen, or an actor – he’s an entertainer with a wide, WIDE range – so don’t even try to pigeonhole him!

Throughout the book, you’ll find different lists. Some lists are his favorite songs to lip synch to, his beauty tips, his favorite movies, and his favorite sayings. Some I especially liked are:

One of his mother’s favorite sayings: “Id rather drink muddy water than sleep in a hollow log.” I don’t know what the hell that means.

One of Ru's Drag Tips: “Be Sweet: There are enough bitchy queens out there.”

And

"Beauty is pain.”

And lets not forget,

“Don’t dream it, be it!”

&

“I’ve always been secure in my insecurity”

So, if you’re interested in reading about a positive, modern, Black personality and role model, go out and pick up “Lettin It All hang Out: An Autobiography!“

What is Lola Up To??

2011-02-02T20:59:00.000-08:00

I know its been forever since Ive written you readers and let you know whats been going on in LolaLand, so I thought Id take this time to hip you to the t!

In the Fall, I began taking classes in event planning. I started at one school, but when I found out another more prestigious school had a program, I switched to that, and it began last week. The classes are seven hours long, and run from two to four days a week. And, while I'm thrilled to be exploring a new career, these hours are killing me! How do you regular folks do this all the time?!

In order to graduate, you need seven classes, and I'm trying to get these done as quickly as possible. In the past two weeks, Ive taken four, so I just need three more to go before I complete my classwork. Next up, 100 hours of volunteer work - whoo-hooo! And I'm trying to knock them out of the box too.

I know I'm being overly ambitious, but Id like to have this program finished in 5 months. It usually takes twice that. Yes, I'm a type-a heifer, I am a Smithie!

Ill still be posting here, and on Tumblr, and on Twitter. So I wont be gone - keep coming back!

Manic Monday!

2011-01-30T20:47:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all, its Monday again, time to get pumped up for the week! Now, this tune isn't very manic, but I loved this jam in college and still find myself grooving to it from time to time. Hell, I've even got the cassingle of this song...now if I could just figure out how to get that onto my iTunes, hmm.....

At any rate, please enjoy Rollerskating Jam by De La Soul!

De La Soul & Q-Tip - Rollerskating Jam
Uploaded by hushhush112. - See the latest featured music videos.

National Black HIV/AIDS DAY

2011-01-28T12:03:00.000-08:00

As my readers well know, I used to be an HIV Outreach Specialist, and HIV/STD testing and awareness has always been very important to me. My friend David A. Richardson is hosting a benefit performance in honor of National Black HIV/AIDS Day, and guess what? The proceeds to go benefit my old place of business, Us Helping Us, People Into Living, Inc!

The benefit is called Fire & Desire: A Cocktail of Song and Poetry. Its being held at the V Street location of Busboys & Poets on Sunday, February 6, from 7-9pm. It features a host of poets, singers, and dancers, including:

Lyric Coleman

Stephen Hughes

Matthew Rose

Kanikki Jakarta

Monte J. Wolfe

Jacqueline Ellison

Jeremy Hill

Gina Rose

Krislynn Perry

Cory Ings

Lakita Stewart

John Orr

Jackson Caeser

As well as a trivia contest with prizes!

Tickets are $10 for general admission, $20 for VIP access. Tickets can be purchased here, or you can get them at the door.

This event is sponsored by:

Bethel Christian Church

Metro Teen AIDS

Brave Soul Collective

The Black AIDS Institute

Greater Than AIDS

Stay Educated Sober Tested Alive (SESTA)

If you'd like to donate to this worthy cause, please contact David A. Richardson at drichardson06@yahoo.com.

Ill be on hand to help out any way I can, and Id love for you to come and join me!

Damn You Holiday Treats! - REPOST!

2011-01-26T19:30:00.000-08:00

i decided to repost this today because i did it again! i overdid it on the holiday treats, and am now paying the price in the form of a 5 pound weight gain. aaauuuggghhhh! but i loved it anyways - hope you enjoy this too!

Ok, I said before, I don’t celebrate Christmas (or Thanksgiving, or holidays like that), but I love those special holiday foods! I am planning on actually backing some pies this season, but I also find myself incredibly drawn to treats that can be purchased. Below, youll find a list of the holiday sweets that that currently have me in their grip.

Dean & Deluca

I go there every Friday, after I do my banking in Georgetown. I LOVE them! This year, they have the gummy Sugar Plums, and they are sooooo fresh! Ive had them two weeks in a row, and theyre starting to bother me. Tomorrow, Im going to ask if they have or will be getting any of those gummy champagne drops in. Those are also fabulous!

La Madeline

I haven’t been there so far this year, but they do a Buche de Noel (Christmas Yule Log) cake that’s moist and flavorful! Yall should check them out.

Target

That’s right, I said Tar-jet! They have really come up in the world. They carry some quality foodstuffs! Their Choxie line is seriously addictive. THEN they had the nerve to come out with a Christmas set of chocolate bars: peppermint, gingerbread, and espresso: I got two of those! And Id like to personally pimp slap all of those candy companies who decided to come out with special “holiday” versions of their regular products. Like Andes Mint Thins in a cherry crunch! And inside-out Junior Mints! Theyre only available for a limited amout of time! You have to buy them before they run out!!

That’s all I can think of right now…but trust me, that’s enough! I like sweets, adore chocolate, so this season is always difficult for me. So, what do you all find irrestible?

Belated Manic Monday

2011-01-24T17:58:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah, here's an oldie but goodie! I loved this song so much, Ive got it on VHS, hahahaha! Here's Paul Hardcastle's "Nineteen."

Manic Monday!

2011-01-16T22:41:00.000-08:00

A very happy Manic Monday to all you readers out there - I hope you're having a great three day weekend (or not). Ive loved this band from the first time I heard them. Now, Ive only known three of their songs, so I might not be the best of judges, lol. And I hated their best known song. What can I say, I'm just strange that way!

Anywho, please enjoy Berlin's Metro!

Come Out and Meet Me!

2011-01-15T20:23:00.000-08:00

Hey ladies and gentlemen - Im co-hostessing a happy hour/meetup this upcoming Wednesday, and Id love it if you'd join me! Ill be joined by five other bloggers, so you know it'll be a good time - hope to see you there!

“Back When I Was a Kid…” - REPOST!

2011-01-13T23:00:00.000-08:00

y'all know why im posting this - its cold as ish outside! with the body i have now, i don't think i could have lasted that last winter of high school, i really don't. read on!

Remember those stories from your mom or dad, or grandparents, or aunts, uncles, great-aunts and uncle – hell anyone older than you, about how rough things used to be, back in their days?? Well have I got a doozie for you. I’m in my thirties, but sometimes I feel really, really old. On cold ass days like today I think about the weather and the climate and how it’s changed. I remember back when I was a senior in high school, and think that if I had to do now what I did then, I couldn’t have done it.

During my senior year, my high school got its gas turned off for non-payment. That meant we had no heat, no hot water all winter long. Do you think the school shut down? On no! We kept right on going! It was as cold inside as it was outside. Some of the windows were broken, so we even had wind in some classrooms. And we kept to a regular class schedule!

I tell you, getting dressed for school in those days was a chore! I had to put on: bra, panties, socks, white turtleneck shirt, white Oxford shirt, wool uniform skirt (it was a Catholic school), jeans, blue cardigan sweater, blue wool blazer, shoes, and overcoat. And I kept all this on all day! And so did my fellow schoolmates. And I think I might have even kept my hat on – I get sinus problems in the cold. We did this every school day, until the weather turned warm.

It was my senior year, and I really wanted to graduate and move on with my life, and if I had to attend a cold ass school to do that, I would! Could I handle that at this time in my life? Hell no! I got arthritis and bursitis and being in a cold environment for that long would have me in all kinda flare-ups! Ida either been on so many painkillers I wouldn’t be able to follow along in class, OR Ida been in so much pain, Id want to kill myself. Either way, I most likely would not have graduated from that institution. This sista needs heat to survive!

I’m not even quite sure is having a heatless school is legal, but I truly believe that most parents nowadays would not stand for that. Their babies being taught in a place with no heat? Oh no! Let me stop tripping, cause if my kid were in that situation, I wouldn’t be happy either. But this cold ass day- I don’t think we’ve even hit 40 degrees Fahrenheit yet – makes me think about the days of my youth…and how I’m glad that they were then and not now!

My Own Personal Tawana Brawley REPOST!

2011-01-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

i have no special reason for reposting this today. i was just thinking about my old friend from Smith who was killed in the Haitian earthquake, and decided to post a story about Smith. no, shes not the girl in this post though, lol, my old friend had character. enjoy!

Ok, its not personal personal – I didn’t falsely accuse anyone of sexual abuse or racism – but I have been caught up in the whirlwind of a racial scandal. It all went down in December of 1990 at Smith College. Something I like to call the Wilson House Incident.

It was reading period, a time, roughly one week, in which students are encouraged to prepare for their final exams and the following winter break. At Smith, we don’t have traditional college dormitories, we have houses. Basically, they’re big a-s-s mansions that house students. They range in size from 25 students to several hundred. They’re more personal, homey, than traditional dorms. And, of course, different houses, and different areas of Smith took on various personalities…one side of campus, the crappier side, was called “the ghetto,”…the opposite side of campus, the nicer side, was called the Quad. The Quad tended to house students who came from money, and were somewhat elitist. Not many Black students lived in the Quad because of its snobby atmosphere. The largest of these buildings was Wilson House. I believe fewer than 5 Black students lived there at this time. One such student was a freshman.

In December, right before reading period, this girl came forward and said she had been racially harassed the entire semester by other Wilson House residents. She claimed that she had received hateful notes, defaced Barbie dolls, and terrible voice mail messages. The College launched an investigation to her claims. The Black Student Alliance (BSA) also began its own campaign: Operation Sit-In. If they didn’t want Black students in their house, that was just too bad!

The BSA decided to have people to sit in Wilson House around the clock – in shifts. And not just Smith students who participated, students from the other four colleges in the area traveled over to assist us in our mission. Think of it, students taking time out of their busy lives, jeopardizing their academic careers by supporting our fellow sister and reinforcing our right to exist at that institution! Man, this scandal affected us so deeply: we never thought something like that could happen during our time (boy, were we naive). One girl I knew was so upset that she had to get away and she spent her junior year at an HBCU!

Fast forward a year and a half later, come to find out old girl was lying about everything. She made up that story because she was failing all her classes, and she needed an excuse to justify her poor performance (her professors wound up giving her all A's). She never graduated; she dropped out and had a baby. She lived in the neighborhood for a time afterwards though (her aunt was a professor). Students pretty much shunned her. We were so upset that she would subject an entire community to that kind of turmoil, all because she wasn’t doing what she was supposed to. Man, I wanted to slap the diddlysquat outta her!

Since then, I have a hard time believing racial incidents right off the bat. I like to wait and get as much information about the issue as I can before I can get behind an issue. I know that if one teenaged girl can disrupt an entire community, then older, savvier people could do much worse. While I long for the day when racism, classism, and sexism are long gone, I also long for the day when opportunists don’t take advantage of this environment. Let’s see which one comes first, shall we?

Manic Monday

2011-01-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

from my heart and from my hand why dont people understand my intentions

I dont think I liked this song that much when it first came out, but Im in love with it now! I quote it all the time on on various social media sites (if you followed me, youd know!). Despite the fact that the lead singer of the band scares the holy beejesus out of me, this video is taking me down memory lane!

So, please enjoy Weird Science by Oingo Boingo!

I Need to Be Touched - REPOST!!

2011-01-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

i decided to republish this post because it is apropos of one of the places im in right now. enjoy!

I shouldn’t be shocked by this realization, but still, I am. I need to be touched. Desperately. I had a manicure on Wednesday, in preparation for the office “non-denominational holiday party.” Part of this manicure included a full hand/forearm massage. As the woman was stroking and rubbing my arms, I just zoned the fuck out enjoying the sensations. I tried to make my face as unexpressive as possible, cause I didn’t want the manicurist to know she was sending me to heaven! Whoooo!

This wasn’t the first time I’ve felt that “loving feeling” at the hands of a nail professional. Several times before, I’ve been sent into the throes of ecstasy during a pedicure. I’ve often wanted to slide down in the seat, throw my head back and just start moaning! Id have to say, the closest I’ve ever come to orgasm during a pedicure was when this man started pounding my foot between his fists! The first one was such a shock. If he actually remembered to do the second foot that way, I probably woulda orgasmed. But he didn’t.

But back to basic touching. Physical intimacy is a basic human need. We all need to feel close to another body, another person. To be near someone, to be held, to be stroked. I haven’t had that in a long, long time. Well, since October. And to be honest, I’m not really sure how to go about going to get me somea dat.

Its funny, anyone can get sex at almost any time. I know I could. We modern humans fund fuckin and suckin so very easy to, to obtain. Its true intimacy, allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable, that’s so very hard to do. We’re all so afraid of pain that we don’t realize that we hurt others (and ourselves) over and over again trying to avoid it.

Manic Monday

2011-01-02T21:33:00.000-08:00

I dont think Ive ever featured this song before, and its kinda weird because Ive always loved this one. Hell, I owned the cassette of the movie soundtrack it came from. It was from a big 80s teen movie called Less Than Zero. This movie had many of the big 80s teen stars in it like Robert Downey, Jami Gertz and Andrew McCarthy. The soundtrack had a lot of good artists and songs, including Public Enemy and LL Cool J. And, this song.

So, please enjoy Hazy Shade of Winter by the Bangles!

Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T23:38:00.000-08:00

Manic Monday

2010-12-26T22:43:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the late posting guys. I thought I did this last night, but whoops! This video isn't particularly "manic" but I thought it was funny as hell. Don't read anything into the lyrics though- I haven't done anything lately. :(

So, please enjoy, the SNL Digital Short I Just Had Sex!

I Hate Holidays! - REPOST!

2010-12-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

I wasn’t planning on writing about this topic yet either, but this being Thanksgiving Eve and all, I suppose I should say something. I hate the “holiday season.” I’ve hated it for roughly 14 years or so. When I first began feeling this way, it was understandable, but now I feel it has morphed into something else entirely.

In 1992, I was in a car accident on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I remained in the hospital for 3 months, not being released until well after New Years. Because of my hospitalization, and reasons thereof, I wasn’t in the “holiday spirit,” so I didn’t go all crazy over them. I had visitors, presents, and food, but wasn’t very “festive.” These feelings continued for some years afterwards. Now, I still don’t feel “festive” but I think it has to do with other reasons.

I think, overall, I am most bothered by the preconceived notions of what holiday celebrations entail:

-Like consumerism. I really hate how these “holidays” make people feel as if they must buy, buy, buy in order to fulfill some abstract need. Holiday shopping has become a ritual in and of itself.

-And falsified “holiday cheer.” Don’t be nice to me on November 23rd or December 25th because you feel you have to be…. Shit, if you really want to show “goodwill toward man,” be nice to me on July 17, any year at all.

-Don’t forget “family time.” Individuals are neurotic. Everyone has some unresolved issues. Forcing those people to be in a room for hours at a time, with access to alcohol and sugar, is sadistic. Dysfunctional families should do everyone a favor, and stay apart.

But I think the biggest problem I have with the holidays, is having to navigate them as a single person. I don’t mind being alone. Hell, I’m my best, best friend. But when all of your friends have families of their own, they’re not likely going to attend your Christmas dinner. This sucks, because I am a born hostess. I have dinging room set that seats 12. I have sterling silver flatware, gold electroplate, china service for 16. Hell, I even have a “Christmas” themed set of china! None of it ever gets used because everyone else is doing their own thing. Call me bitter. Call me a player hater. But I’m no longer going to “tag along” to other peoples celebrations. If I can’t play along, I don’t want to play at all! I’m going to pout now…..

Is It Just Me?

2010-12-22T19:49:00.000-08:00

ve felt this way for some years now, and I might have spoken on this subject before, but I feel the need to say it again.

I think that watching a man put on a condom is one of the sexiest and hottest things imaginable!

Am I the only one who thinks this way?

I mean, think about it. Youve got this man with an erect penis, taking a condom and slowly rolling it down his shaft, getting himself ready for sex.

*shudders*

And Lord help you if youve got a a confident man who knows what hes doing - oop! - thats even hotter! Theres just something thats so attractive about a man whos committed to protecting you - and himself - from STDs. Whoooo - Lawd!

Recently, Ive been exchanging erotic stories with a man, and in one of his tales, he actually includes the act of putting on a condom.

*swoon*

Im surprised I havent seen any porn that contains this act. Im sure theres some out there, Im just surprised I havent come across it.

So, do tell me readers, do you feel the same way as I do? How do you view condoms in your sex life? Let a sista know!

Manic Monday

2010-12-20T00:05:00.000-08:00

Well, another Manic Monday has arrived, and have I got a new one for ya today! I have loved this band - and this song - since the '80s. Its the kind of tune that makes you want to put on high heels and strut around!

yes, lawdy!

So please sit back and enjoy Wrap it Up by the Fabulous Thunderbirds!

Meanings - REPOST!

2010-12-19T02:00:00.000-08:00

Music has always played a large part of my life. I don’t know if it has to do with my family background, the way I was raised, or just because I’m Black, lol, but I’ve always loved music! And as such, certain songs hold a lot of meaning for me.

Now when I said my family background, I meant the fact that I come from a large family of musically inclined people. One of my former co-workers called us the “Black VonTrapps.” My dad is a jazz musician; my older sister used to sing professionally; my younger sister has a nice singing voice (I think she might have done some singing as well); ID love to be able to sing (more on that later); one of my uncles by marriage was a huge R&B/Funk legend; one of my great-great aunts was considered a blues master (?). To this day, when the family congregates, there’s always some music involved. And I don’t mean we listen and dance. I mean we do stupid shit like talent shows. One particular person who loves to do this is my Uncle. He’s an Assistant State Attorney, but there’s nothing he loves better than to get up in front of a group of people and make a fool of himself dancing and lip synching to a song. Last time, it was Jay-Zs part in Beyonce’s “So Crazy.” Man o man o man. It was a sight.

Now, while I am a exhibitionistic drag queen in a woman’s body who loves nothing more than to get up on a stage and have folks look at me, that’s not the musical meaning I meant to discuss here. Here, I meant to talk about some specific songs that have special meaning for me. For example, as I was driving to work today, I heard a song similar to the one that reminds me of my stepdaughter (I’m divorced). The song was “Ill Write a Song for You,” and the reason it reminds me of her, is because that was her fathers song for her. That song is so sweet and beautiful and filled with hope, it makes me think of every young woman and every young person I know, hoping that they are able to make their dreams come true.

My father’s song is one by Lionel Richie. Its called “Easy.” That pretty much sums up his outlook on life – he tries to take everything “easy.” Let me tell you from experience, that aint always the best approach to take. By being “easy,” my dad let a lot of foul shit go down, usually to other people.

Now my mom has two songs. One I cant remember right now (sorry). The other is a Spyro Gyra tune called “Morning Dance.” Its very light and bubbly, but it has a great buildup and climax. The song itself doesn’t really suit her personality, but I believe it was playing on the car radio when we were dropping her off at the airport after she visited us. The next time we saw her, we were being kidnapped. Aint that a bitch??

Now for my older sister, any Klymaxx song reminds me of her, cause she used to sing with them way, waaay back in the day. But my favorite song of theirs is “The Men All Pause,” (which of course I thought was menopause when I first heard it, lol). “Cause they all looked at me….”

The song that reminds me of my first boyfriend’s high school graduation day is Earth Wind and Fire’s “September.” Yes, the graduation was in June, but we were riding around in a convertible after the ceremony, and this song came on.

My ex and I had several songs. One of them was “Kissing You” by Keith Washington. Others were “Somebody Loves You Baby,” by Patti LaBelle and “No Ordinary Love” by Sade. I think that Sade song was more mine than “ours.” I think it had something to do with the slow motion running in her video. That was a man who definitely needed running away from! Lol

What are my songs? Man, there are sooo many. Different songs for different moods, different experiences, different places in my life. Ill list a few below:

“Mr. Jones” Counting Crows – that’s why I did that song at the office holiday party.

“Whatever Lola Wants” various artists – now you knew I had to throw that one in there!

“My Way” various artists, but I really love the Sid Vicious one –does this need an explanation?

“Irresistible Bitch” Prince – um, cause I am.

“Bitch” Meredith Brooks – that song really describes my personality, many sides of me.

The songs above really speak to me and always perk me up when I’m down. What about yours??

Hard Habit to Break: REPOST!

2010-12-17T02:00:00.000-08:00

im sitting here on my bed, surrounded by the magazines i got from the mail, so i decided to repost this little gem. enjoy!

We all have our little habits, those little practices that we engage in regularly, that might not be terribly bad for us, but aren’t that good for that either. I’ve got several of those, but none as strange, expensive, and odious as my affection for magazines.

Ok, ok, so it might not be a completely bad thing, my affinity for magazines, but it ain't a great one either! For one, it’s a waste of a whole lotta paper. And, what with inflation these days, it’s a waste of a whole lotta money. But I find their allure irrestible, their glossy pages intoxicating. I want to know about the latest products so I can try them. I want to know what’s new and where I can get one. I want to read about what’s going on in other people’s lives, and how it might possibly affect me.

I know where this love of periodicals came from; I know who my original pusher was…Nana and Papa Charles, my very own grandparents. Now, they didn’t intentionally poison me for life, it magazines were a huge part of their lives before I came along, I just got sucked along into the lifestyle.

You see my grandfather, Papa Charles, was a doctor with his own practice, conveniently located in the basement of the house. Because of this, because he could use the magazines in his waiting room, magazine subscriptions were a tax write-off for him, and he took full advantage of it. The magazines he had subscriptions to included, but were not limited to:

Women’s Wear Daily
Vogue
Elle
Ebony
Essence
Jet
Time
Newsweek
Us News and World Reports

So, when I was living with them, I had access to these magazines, and more, and became very inured to having them around.

This “magazine” trend continued when I was at Smith. My grandmother had set up an account for me at the bookstore, so I could not only get books, but anything else the bookstore carried. Which, of course, included snack foods, Smith paraphernalia, and magazines. I not only continued by magazine habit, but I increased it. Not only did I purchase the news magazines weekly, I also bought Mademoiselle, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and Marie Claire magazines.

Its been a few good years since I was in college, *cough –fifteen – cough*, so I haven’t been lush with periodicals like that since, but I still backslide sometimes. If I’ve got the cash, I see nothing wrong with picking up an intriguing looking rag to read at a coffee shop, or while dining solo at a restaurant. I remember a friend once saying that my habit wouldn’t be that bad if I actually had subscriptions as opposed to paying newsstand prices for them.

When I bought this current house in 2000, I decided to do just that. I took out a host of subscriptions for my favorite mags like Essence and Marie Claire, but then, wouldn’t you know it, the War on Terrorism occurred. Ok, so it wasn’t the “War” that did my subscription plan in, technically it was an act of local terrorism that made me afeared of getting periodicals in the mail: Anthrax at my post office.

When anthrax was found in two D.C post offices, one of which serviced my neighborhood that was the end of my subscribing life. With two post office employees dying from the poison, the last thing I wanted to have were carriers, veritable paper bombs of poison coming into my house. So I cancelled them all.

Yet I still hear the siren of the periodicals cry to me as I try to pass them by. It’s especially difficult working in close proximity to a newsstand. It’s like trying to bypass my personal “Isle of the Damned” on a regular. I ain't no saint, so sometimes, I succumb.

And you know what? I think that’s ok. I think it’s alright to indulge oneself every so often. It’s ok to treat oneself to something from time to time. I just have to be careful not to let my “indulgence” explode to my grandparents’ proportions. Yeah, I gotta watch out!

Manic Monday

2010-12-13T17:16:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the belated post, guys! I knew what song I wanted to feature, but I couldnt remember the title, so I had to search through my iTunes to find it, lol.

the things i do for you all!

So, please enjoy Step On by the Happy Monday's!

A Working Theory

2010-12-10T20:05:00.000-08:00

See, Ive got a theory here. Its something Ive been testing out for about 2-3 years now. Its a random test, conducted at a variety of sites, so I think the results are somewhat accurate. Whats my theory? Well let me tell you...

I think the hair on the right side of my head grows at an exponential rate compared to the hair on my left side of my head.

What makes me think this? The fact that I haven't been able to get an even haircut for the past 3 years.

And its not as if I don't complain about it, don't point it out while I'm still in the chair, don't have the hair stylist go back over my head to try to correct the lopsidedness of my hair, but nothing seems to work.

So, all I'm left with is if its not the hair stylists fault, it must be me. Or, more specifically, the fault of my hair follicles. I'm thinking that the real reason Ive been walking around with effed up, lopsided hair cuts for the past 2-3 years is because the follicles on the right side are just freakishly reproductive! Kinda like at a cancerous rate even!

I don't know why this makes me upset. I should be thrilled that my hair grows so fast. Oodles of women out there would be jealous of this ability of mine. So, next time I get a lopsided haircut, I shouldn't complain to the stylist, I shouldn't say eff them and switch to another salon. No, I should own up to the spectacular oddities of my hair, admit that my jacked up hair style is my own fault, and walk around with my head held high!

Pssht. Yeah, right.

Class FAIL!

2010-12-08T10:52:00.000-08:00

Well, if you readers cannot tell, I have been getting out there socially, going to a variety of events, meeting all sorts of new people. And you don't just want to meet someone and then walk away. No, you want to continue the communication, and perhaps even develop it into some type of relationship, whether it be business or personal.

In this modern world, there are many ways to communicate with people. Text message, email, Facebook message, etc. But today Id like to focus my attention on the phone call.

Yes, the phone call. Hearkens back to an earlier, innocent age, where boys and girls went to sock hops and had ice cream socials. Yes, the basic, timeless phone call. You'd think by this era, we'd have that method of communication down pat, huh? Oh but we don't. So I just wanna give you all some basic rules about making telephone calls.

Calling someone is easy and quick, but you can make it even less painful if you follow just a few rules.

1) Make sure you call at an appropriate time: Not too early and not too late. I think that its ok to call a household between 9 am and 9 pm. Most people are awake during this time frame, so it increases your chances of actually reaching the person and not interfering with their day.

2) If no one answers, leave a message: This is of the utmost importance. Once you decide to call someone, you must commit yourself to seeing it through. This means that if they don't answer, you leave a message on their voicemail. Yes, I know that most people have caller id, so they probably know that you called, but they wont know why you called, and will be less likely to call you back, if you don't leave a message. So don't punk out, suck it up and leave something brief and specific on their voice mail.

So, those are my two telephone tips for the day! Do any of you readers have any "rules and regulations" when it comes to communicating with others, whether it be by phone or other? Let me know!

An I Get Around Update!

2010-12-06T10:30:00.000-08:00

Today on the Twitter, blogger The Prince of Petworth tweeted about a new and interesting member of Twitter - @BadCabDC. You can read the POPs post about it here.

Basically, if you have an issue with a cabbie, you're supposed to get as much information about the cabbie as you can, and tweet it to @BadCabDC. At the end of the month, they will forward all information to the DC Taxicab Commission.

Will this work? I have no idea. But I do think its a neat and interesting way to use social media to bring about change.

Also, peep out the comments section, they made some valid points there too.

Manic Monday

2010-12-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

Ive featured this band in previous Manic Monday posts, but Ive never done this song before. Hell, until someone told me about it, I didnt know this even existed! But its a good cover, just as all the rest of this band's songs' are.

So, please enjoy Rage Against the Machine's How I Could Just Kill a Man!

Rage Against the Machine

How I Could Just Kill a Man

I Get Around

2010-12-04T12:47:00.000-08:00

round round get around i get around

Or maybe not, you be the judge.

All my readers know I have no car at this time, right? And for the most part, that's ok because I live near a Metro station and have access to several bus lines, so I can do most things via public transportation. And for those things I cant do (or don't want to do because the weather has turned so durned cold!), I can catch a cab, because there are always some around. Usually I have a good trip, but not yesterday.

Yesterday, I forgot to take my cash with me when I went to my doctors appointment, so I had to come back home to retrieve, which would have made me late for my hair appointment if I were to take public transportation, so I caught a cab outside my house. And it was a really nice cab too. Audi SUV. I enjoyed my ride til about halfway there, when I started to become hot, dizzy and flushed. Then I realized what was happening.

Motion sickness.

I tried to roll down the window, to give myself a little air. Freely flowing air is the only way to keep me from barfing in a vehicle. But the window would go down. The cab driver had his child safety locks on.

"Excuse me, but can I roll down the window please, I need some air."

"No. No, it is too cold outside."

"Well, can you turn on the heater then? If I don't get some air in here, I'm going to throw up."

"Ok, well I can turn on the air."

and then nothing. nothing at all.

"Um, can you turn the air up? I cant feel anything."

"I turned it on."

"Yes, but there's no air flow back here. Can you turn it up?"

"Do you want to get out of my cab?"

Then it was on.

Yes, yes I most definitely did want to get out of that jackazzes car. Dude pulls over to the side, and tell me "$5.25." I got it out, and threw it onto the floor by the front seat. Then I got out of the SUV, and left the back door wide open as I walked to the opposite side of the intersection.. Little fuccer drove off like that too. I guess he didn't want to go through the added effort of getting out and shutting it himself.

That is the first time that any cab driver has ever behaved this way towards me! What on earth is going on around here?? Sheesh.

Afterwards, I was thinking of all the other things I could have (should have) done to that man. Like vomit all over his back seat. I guess what they say is right, hindsight really is 20/20.

Have any of you all ever had a similar horrendous experience with cabs and drivers?

Manic Monday

2010-11-29T00:27:00.000-08:00

Happy post-Thanksgiving people! How were your festivities?

I didn't do much here in Lolaland. I did dinner at my girl Stevie's house and she put her foot into some Thanksgiving turkey, Ill tell you that! And she also got me hooked on something called True Blood, perhaps you've heard of it?

Yeah, she showed a couple of episodes, and I fell in love! She then loaned me the first season, too!

So todays Manic Monday offering is one of the songs played during the opening montage, Bad Things by Jace Everett! Enjoy!

My Chemical Imbalance - Watch Out!

2010-11-28T16:11:00.001-08:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Happy Black Friday!

2010-11-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

Hey you guys! Long time, no see huh?

Sorry about that, but I do have a good reason...my modem was broken and while Verizon got on the problem rather quickly, they sent the first modem to the wrong address, so my re-emergence to the Internet was delayed.

but if you follow me on twitter, and friend me on facebook, you'd a seen me!

Not much has been going on in my life since I lost my modem, so you're not missing much, but I still manage to be a little bad - just check out that Twitter widget to the right....

Ive been organizing things, taking classes, looking for employment, and hanging with friends, just to name a few things.

But now that I'm back online, you'll be seeing more from me, so keep coming back!

Hot Latex Lovin!

2010-11-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

We all know what year it is, and what lovely STDs are available, so we all know that it is necessary to wear condoms if one is going to have sex, right? But there are a lot of options out there, so lets talk about them.

Latex: These condoms are what the medical profession recommends for sexual contact. There are a wide variety of brands and styles out there, so one should experiment and try them out to see which ones work for you.

When I’m being a responsible, sexually active woman, there are two condoms I like to keep on hand: Durex lubricated and Magnums. They’re latex, they’re lubricated, and they cover both average and large sizes.

But what if you’ve got someone who can’t work with those choices? Well, you still have options.

Well, if you’ve got someone who’s allergic to latex, or if they find latex condoms too thick and are experiencing, um, “erectile issues” as a result, you can try polyurethane condoms. Polyurethane condoms are just as effective as latex condoms, but feel thinner and, to some, seem to transmit heat better, so they’re said to feel more natural. Kimono and Kimono Plus are two styles of polyurethane condoms that are available.

A third option to try if your guy has what I like to call “condom issues” is the female condom. Its worn by the woman, not the man, so in theory, the man wont feel as “constricted” and might be able to work with those. I’ve never tried the female condom before (though I was supposed to try them out when I was doing HIV outreach, lol), so I don’t know for sure if this would work, but it’s worth a shot!

Having personal lubricant is also a good thing to have around when one is using condoms. We really need to move away from the whole “if he was doing what he was supposed to be doing, then you wouldn’t need lube” mentality. Look, people, if you were going bareback, I might agree with you/. But you’re not. You’re using condoms, and the human body just was not designed to have rubber rubbing up against your sensitive tissue for an extended period of time, so lube up!

And because you’re using condoms, you need to use water based or silicone based lubricant. Personally, I like the Wet Light line, but there are lots out there to choose from. Flavored lubes can be fun to try, but you might want to be careful with them, because with the extra sugar flavoring, they might cause you to develop a yeast infection.

Also, ladies, I know the condom goes on the penis, but that doesn’t mean you can’t help him out! Practice with a banana to learn how to put on a condom yourself. Be sure to squeeze the tip as you roll it on to leave some space at the end, and roll it all the way down – very important!

I hope this primer helps some of you ladies (and gents) out – if you have any questions, please Formspring me – lolagetslife!

Manic Monday

2010-11-15T08:45:00.000-08:00

At the Black Snob's birthday happy hour at Tabaq a few weeks ago, a few of us got to taking about stripper music. Its all Listen to Leon's fault, because he showed us his stripper/freaky-deaky playlists on his iPod. Then some folks mentioned songs that made them feel like getting on the ol'pole ourselves.

my longtime readers already know two of my pole dancing choices because ive featured them before

One of the guests suggested that I listen to this tune, and I decided I wanted you readers to take a listen this Manic Monday. So, please enjoy She Rides by Danzig!

Danzig - She Rides
Uploaded by Lucifuge. - Explore more music videos.

New York City Girl (Not!)

2010-11-11T19:38:00.000-08:00

You know, I was really excited at the prospect of going to New York. I mean, who doesn't get excited at the mention of the "Big City"? My problem (well, one of my problems) with the city is that there are toooo many things to do! I just cannot decide what to do, and whenever I leave, I always wish I could have done more. And last week was no exception.

I did get to check out the Midtown area quite a bit as the conference and the hotel I choose to stay in, the Gem Boutique, were located there. I also ventured out to eat at a diner, the Starlight Diner, also in that neighborhood. But even though I spent the majority of my time there, I still feel like I could have done more! And I did spend the evening (and early morning) in Brooklyn, but I was inside the club for most of my time there, so I only got to see the Brooklyn that the cabs took me through (and I still loved it!).

But I still feel like I didn't get to "do" NYC. I mean there's shopping, and plays, and opera, and ethnic hairdressers, and cheesecake - I need to get some cheesecake!! But, honestly, I don't think I ever will "do" all of the city.. But, I think I will try to go up there more often. There is that lovely Chinatown bus thingy, and I know of one hotel that only charges $200 a night...so I guess we'll have to see what happens!

About Last (Thursday) Night...

2010-11-11T19:25:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you readers, but when I'm planning on traveling somewhere, I like to do some research first, to see what activities will be going on that I might want to take part in. And since I was going to be in NYC for the Essence Womens Conference, and staying the night, I wanted to sample some of NYC's nightlife. Combine that desire with the fact that I was ridiculously horny after my 2+ years of celibacy, and you'll understand why Lola made the journey to a sex club in Brooklyn.

I discovered the club during my online research of NYC, and after researched the club itself (yes, one can do that), I decided to go check it out. Its called Club Amante's and its located in Brooklyn. Like most sex clubs Ive been to, its in a warehouse in a somewhat sketchy area, so I made the cab driver wait for me to check if it was open before he drove off (dude actually tried to talk to a woman as she was leaving. chick denied any knowledge of the club and walked off quickly, lol).

The employees - 2 men, 3 women - were very nice and helpful as I signed in and was shown around. The club itself was kinda medium-sized (1500 sf perhaps?) and decorated in jewel tones - oranges, yellows and reds. The club was long in length, kinda like a row house, and the first room was a combination lounge/dance floor. When one walked down the corridor to the back, there were bathrooms, a coed locker room, and various play rooms, all different sized. At the back were two large play rooms, one for couples only, and one with a tv set, playing the requisite porn.

Thursday and Friday nights are the only nights Amante's lets in single men, so it was a pole fest. It seemed to me, that there were about 6 male/female couples, and perhaps 5-6 single men there. And me. Yeah. I caused a wee it of interest when I arrived, but I didn't find anyone there attractive, so I was busy giving the cold shoulder to everyone. I got a soda and did some people-watching by the dance floor. Which got kinda old, so I then went to chat with the bartenders. They were nice.

After getting my second beverage (Red Bull - I barely had any sleep that day!) and did another walk-around of the club. When I came back to the dance floor, I spied a young Black man, stylishly dressed, who seemed really happy to see me (but he then hid it very well). Eventually, he approached me, and we had a lovely chat. And, after another walk-through of the club, we decided to get a private room. I don't remember exactly how long we were in there, but we didn't leave til the club closed. And, dude was so sweet and considerate, he drove me to a cab stand (I had no idea what the hell those were) and made sure I got into a cab to get back to my hotel.

So, all in all, I had a good night!

Now, would I recommend Club Amante's? Yes, I would. I loved the decor, and the cleanliness (oh yeah!)! The employees were very nice (tho the security guards were a little skeevy). The prices weren't that bad - for a single woman, they were cheaper then going to a nightclub. There's lots of single guys there on Thursday and Friday nights, so there are options, if that's what you're looking for.

But those very pros are also this clubs' cons: there are way too many freaking single men and not enough ladies to go around. So, for the fellas, this might be a losing situation for you, cuz I only know of one single dude who got any action that night, and that was the dude I was with!

But, if you're looking for a clean club with decent music, friendly employees and wont completely wreck your pockets, give Club Amante's a try! Just remember to bring your own chick.

The Essence Women's Conference

2010-11-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, when I found out that my buddy Danielle Belton, aka the Black Snob, was going to be speaking at the 2010 Essence Women's Conference, "Unleash the Power in You", I thought about going. And, when I spoke to Danielle, I was given the opportunity to attend, so I jumped at it!

The conference was held in Manhattan, and since I have some cousins that live in the Bronx, I was planning on staying more than the day of the conference, but our schedules couldn't jibe, so I found myself catching the train to Manhattan the day of the event. I had procrastinated a lot that week, of course, so I found myself pulling an all nighter. Then, I found myself unable to sleep on the Acela train (which is really nice, by the way!). Dazed and sleep deprived, I was then introduced to a fascinating New York phenomenon: taxi stands/lines. Yes, apparently the good citizens of New York go to appointed "stops" and wait for cabs to pull over and pick them up instead of just going to the street and hailing one themselves.

yikes!

Yeah, I was to spend a good deal of time in those lines up there. Wasn't pleased about it either, as I wore high heels the majority of the time I was in the city. Anywho.

The conference was held at the Times Square Marriott hotel - which is huge - and very nice. I found the hotel to be fascinating, as I just saw a documentary about their innovative elevator system. Once I changed clothes and put on makeup, I went to register, which was very easy to do! Essence magazine employees staffed the conference, and they were both plentiful and helpful! They supplied a great breakfast and lunch, which were eaten during two of the general sessions. There were three general sessions altogether, broken up by two breakout sessions. The entire theme of the conference was women's empowerment. The speakers were very impressive and motivating as well. I wont list them all, but one I particularly liked was Judge Glenda Hatchett, of the tv show.

The workshops were very informative. In the morning, I attended a workshop on how to make your first million. Met a young woman some called the "Baby Billionaire" - she was impressive! Danielle's workshop was in the afternoon, so I attended and took lots of pictures. I then tried to attend Demetria Lucas' (aka Belle in Brooklyn) panel on relationships, but I couldn't make it through the entire thing - tho what I did see was funny as hell - and wound up leaving early to travel to another hotel and try to take a nap.

I wish I could say that I did more at this conference. But I did run into a few bloggers I knew, met some new interesting women, attend some informative workshops, and have a generally good time! i definitely recommend this conference for any woman who feels the need to reconnect with the sisterhood, for any woman who's looking to meet other positive, mobile women, for any one who might be looking to learn from any of the speakers that are featured in any given year.

Manic Monday

2010-11-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

Oh, do I have a treat in store for you readers today! Yes, I, Lola Always Gets, is featuring the song that I always play after I get some!

Whooo-hooooo!!

You see, while I was in NYC, I decided to check out a sex club I had heard of. There I met a lovely young fellow, and, well, we had some fun times. Ill be doing a review of the club later on. But til the, enjoy Buckcherry's Crazy Bitch!

Buckcherry~crazy bitch (uncensored)

♫ Mean Little Mama ♫ | Myspace Video

Class Fail!

2010-11-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

I couldn't blog about this until now, because the people I wanted to talk about read my blog. You all remember my last Class Fail post in which I talked about different things one should do when one is traveling, right? Right. Well, I just wanted to do a recap here and let you all know what I did and did not do. Read on!

Tipping: Yes, I tipped my ass off all over the place! I tipped shuttle and taxi drivers, I tipped bellhops and the housekeeping staff, I tipped servers. Yep, I tipped folks.

Houseguest Duties: Ill be honest, I kinda fell asleep on a few of those. I should have offered to pay for dinner when we went out, and I should have helped do the dishes when we ate at the house. Im sorry, I forgot! I blame it all on the fact that I was tired and sleep-deprived as hell, lol.

But, I did remember to get them a hostess gift! What I remembered to do was to pay close attention to my hosts when they talked, so I could determine what needs (or wants) they had that I might be able to fulfill with a gift, and I came up with one. I got my old college roommate and her boyfriend an electric teakettle!

I got the idea when I asked them to boil some water so I could try out a sample of a hot beverage I got at the conference. I say hot beverage because I really don't know what it was. Whilst they were whipping out their standard teakettle, we talked about electric ones. About how I had thought about getting one, but feared I was just being lazy; how she had one but it burned out and she hadn't had a chance to get another one. And then it was on, jack!

Once I got back to DC, I went online and read up on electric teakettles. I searched and searched, read numerous product reviews and hopefully made a good selection. I had it delivered to their house, and they got it last week! My old roomie said she loves it. I really hope that she and her boyfriend do, and that they get good use out of it.

Well, thats my etiquette recap of my trip to Florida. Come back next week when I (finally) move on to other topics!

Manic Monday

2010-11-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

You know, Im not really up on the latest trends in music, you know? Im always at least a few weeks/months/years late when it comes to the hippest, hottest trends. So, I just know you all will appreciate this Manic Monday feature today! I mean, I knew chickie had a band, and I knew what type of band it was, I just never knew the name of the band, nor heard any songs or watched any of the videos. Until today.

Yes, today I finally heard - and saw - one of this bands songs, and I gotta tell ya, I don't really know what to think. So Im just going to let you all form your own judgements. So have at it, and enjoy Bleed All Over Me by Wicked Wisdom!

Blogga-who? Blogga-what?

2010-10-30T00:44:00.000-07:00

As we all know in this digital age, when there are cameras everywhere, they will catch folks doing any- and everything! This post is dedicated to all those strange-azz pics I took over the Blogalicious weekend - check'em out!

Apparently, Softcup was one of the sponsors, and here I am showing my excitement at the product.

Just in case, folks didnt understand how the Softcup works, here is Core Connections herself, with a visual aid.

And here I am again showing my approval* for another one of the sponsors, Zestra!

*I approve of that product theoretically, as I have never tried and probably never will, as I have had an unpleasant experience with a similar product. No, you don't wanna know about it.

Blogalicious 10 Recap Part 3

2010-10-30T00:20:00.000-07:00

I arose at 6 am so I could finish packing, dress, and catch the hotel shuttle to the South Beach Ritz in time to check in, register and make it to the conference breakfast. Things were going smoothly til I got to the South Beach hotel. It seems that my room wasn't ready for me yet, so I had them hold on to my luggage, and went to attend the first day of Blogalicious.

Registration was a snap, breakfast was wonderful, and we started the conference off with a 3-hour general session that included marketing, networking, and a presentation on Latinas in the media. Then we had lunch and two sets of break-out sessions. While there were many interesting ones, I went to the ones on best business practices, and building ones social media group.

We then had free time during which I attended a cocktail party out by the pool, and got something to eat.

I then attended a get-together in the Ebony magazine suite.

I returned to the room, rested, changed, and then attended a live performance by the duo Kindred the Family Soul. They did a 5 song set that was really good despite their appearing without a band.

After that, we went to a club down the street for party hosted by Que Rica Vida that featured more food, Brazilian performers, and a dj. It was too much fun!

Saturday was less productive for me, as I slept in late - way late. The first thing I did was visit one of the "recharge suites" hosted by Kmart for a massage and some chocolate chip cookies. I also stopped by the tech help station and got some assistance with some blog issues I was having (thanks guys!) I then attended an session on "how to be your own c.o.".

After the sessions, they showed "Waiting for Superman", but seeing as I don't have kids, and just lived through the primaries in D.C., I opted to sit that one out. I went to the poolside restaurant to order that fabulous chicken panini I had two days before. They didn't disappoint! After that, I retired to my room to wash and change for the evening festivities.

The party this evening was a beauty bash that featured several beauty stations. Johnson and Johnson, Invisalign, and Bali were just a few of the sponsors there. All the sponsors were handing out freebees and swag galore! I even took a picture in the Bali lingerie, but I dont think Imma post it here, sorry, lol. And there was a dj too, so you know the women were having a great time! And, when that was over, there was a desert buffet and dance-off with one of those Wii game systems. It was great and made me think about getting one of my own! Eventually, though, I managed to get back to my room and get some sleep.

I had to wake up early because I wanted to get to breakfast - CNN was going to speak to us via Skype and then Marc Morial was going to address us! Again, I arose late, but I was able to slap myself together, grab some food, and get to the banquet room before they closed the doors.

I even had enough time to get a photo with Marc Morial before the events began!

After the morning session, I attended sessions on coding and how to get a book deal. After lunch, the conference ended, and women began to return home.

I was staying at the Ritz that night, so I changed into my swimsuit and went to lounge on the beach. I went with another conference attendee - another DC sister - and we shared an umbrella and ordered food from the beach service.

i would also do this the following day, after i checked out of the hotel. yes the ritz carlton does let you do this!

So, this was my experience as a blogger at my first conference on blogging. I loved the setting, the people, the education, the entertainments - all of it! Please come back to read about the swag I received as a participant!

Manic Monday

2010-10-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

I was introduced to this song by the tv show the Good Wife. It was playing when that private investigator chick was taking a baseball bat to someones car. I'm assuming that she was doing that in course of investigating a case...yeah, that's the ticket. Anywho, this song was so damned manic, it made me want to take a baseball bat to someones car too!

and since this weekend is howard university's homecoming, i just might do that soon

Anywho. Please enjoy Jane Jensen's Luv Song!

Blogalicious 10 Recap Part Deux

2010-10-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

So, its Thursday night. I leave my janky hotel for the South Beach Ritz Carlton for Afrobella and StyleMoms cocktail party. I'm off later than I planned cause, well, I usually am late(r), lol. At first, the employees at the Ritz had no idea what party I was there to attend (very unlike them!), but then they got their facts right, so I made my way out to the pool area.

The Ritz had designated the far end of the patio the party area, and to access it, one had to pass a gateway staffed by scantily dressed, hot guys. Yum! Because I need glasses, I originally thought the dudes were pantless, but, alas, I was wrong. The patio was lit with lanterns and torches, and there were white canopied areas where folks could lounge. In the center of the patio, there were cocktail tables and opposite the seating area, beauty technicians were doing mini-manis and pedis, and providing seated massages. Very nice!

I circulated a wee bit, said hello to folks I already knew, then queued up for a massage because my shoulders were tight from hauling around my luggage the day before! After that, I got a mini mani because mine from the week before wasn't holding up that well. After that, I waited a few, then got my bag o'swag and went to the poolside restaurant to order some food, since I missed the spread at the party.

When I got to the poolside bar, there was a woman I recognized from the party, so I sat myself down and got to know her and other attendees as they walked by. I had a great time, met some great ladies, and had a great sandwich (thanks Ritz)! And one of the ladies was so nice, in addition to giving me half of her sandwich, she gave me a ride back to my janky hotel, where I spent the rest of the evening checking out the cool swag I got at the party. Check out what I got:

Swag Haul

* Ideeli gift card (which isn't working right now)
*Pantene Deep Moisturizing Treatment for Curls
*Cover Girl Queen Collection Natural Hue Bronzer
*Cover Girl Outlast Double Lipshine
*Avon Renew Rejuvenate Skin Revitalizing System (the WHOLE system!)

i do believe that was it, but don't hold me to that, lol

If you guys want to see pics from the whole conference, come visit my Facebook page! But let me hit you off with a teaser, tho:

There's more to come in my recap of my time in Florida, so keep coming back!

Marie Claire Loves Smithies!

2010-10-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

Ok, well, perhaps they don't, but they sure have featured pieces on Smithies a lot in the past year. And by "a lot" I mean twice. But hey, I still think it was significant.

The first piece was an article about a book written by an old college buddy of mine. Orange is the New Black: My Year in a Women's Prison by Piper Kerman was reviewed by Marie Claire Magazine in their article The Mistake That Nearly Cost Me Everything. And this article is how found out about Piper's book in the first place. And once I learned of it, I had to get a copy for myself. And what I read didn't surprise me at all.

You see, I already knew Piper was in prison through mutual a acquaintance. I was even toying with the idea of visiting her in prison, but I was so broke that I could never make that happen. I also knew that Piper was released and eventually married her long-time boyfriend. So, nothing in the book surprised me at all. To me, that book was all Piper. Through and through. Piper is very intelligent, and has excellent social skills, so I knew she would get through her prison term with flying colors (or perhaps one color - orange, lol). Which she accurately portrays in this book.

The next Smithie to be featured in Marie Claire is a woman who goes by the name Anna and she was in an article titled Are You a Sex Addict? Yep, this New Yorker's addiction to sex almost ruined her marriage, and landed her in rehab, followed by therapy and daily support groups.

"I always knew I focused too much on men throughout my life," explains the grad school student. "But it never threatened to derail me."

Yeah, I bet a lot of Smithies have said that same statement at one point in their lifetimes.

But seriously, the article sex addiction in women was very informative, and I definitely think its something every woman should read.

So, thus ends Marie Claire's love affair with the women of Smith College. Or does it...Ill just have to keep reading to find out!

This'll Never Happen Again!

2010-10-18T22:02:00.000-07:00

So y'all better peep this video now! This is a video shot at the Oasis Pink party hosted by beauty bloggers Afrobella and StyleMom. The party was held by the pool at the Ritz Carlton and had many sponsors including Cover Girl, Chambord, Pantene, Avon, and Ideeli, just to name a few. The party featured hot half naked guys, massages, manicures and pedicures. I arrived at the party late, and after getting a soda, I decided to stand in line for a massage when a fellow with a camera walked up to me and asked me for a comment. Naturally, I spoke about my blog (I had a 30 second pitch!) and asked me what I thought of the sponsors. Well, it seems that the only part of that interview that made the cut was my talking up the Chambord (I couldn't remember who the other sponsors were!).

So, if you want to see me doing something I haven't done in years - and see other highlights from the party - watch the video below!

Blogalicious 10 Recap or, the Most Expensive Vacation Ever!

2010-10-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

As you readers know, Ive been away for a while. I decided to attend the Blogalicious conference in South Beach, Florida, and then stay with friends in another city in south Florida. Well, I'm back, and now that I think Ive got a grip on my cat Ivan's health issues, Id like to tell y'all all about it and how this quickly became the most expensive vacation ever!

Pre-Blogalicious

I wanted to go down to Miami ahead of time and just check the place out. I haven't been to Miami since I was a teenager, so I wanted to take this opportunity to see more of the city and state, so I decided to go down a few days ahead of the conference. Originally, I wanted to just stay at the conference hotel, the Ritz Carlton, but they were charging waaayyyy too much, so I found myself another hotel and stayed there for 2 nights.

The New Yorker Boutique Hotel was the choice, but I quickly renamed it the Slightly Janky Hotel in the Shady Neighborhood. Its located in a historic district in Miami and is kinda cute. You can tell that the owners took a few steps to modernize the decor of the hotel. And the room looked just like the one on the website. (The mattress was better than the one at the Ritz!) And the staff was ridiculously friendly and helpful. They called around looking for a specific cultural tour I wanted to take, and even hailed a cab for me! There were some cute shops and even a few good restaurants in the area as well. All of these things were great, but...

The neighborhood as a whole has a long way to go before becoming a tourist destination. On the two nights there, I saw two prostitutes and several others who appeared to be under the influence of something, I had no idea what. I didn't feel uncomfortable because I'm from an urban area and have been around whores and addicts before, so for me it wasn't no thang. I just found it to be amusing.

My first night in Miami, I met up with Nick not Nikki of Nick@Nite. We made our way to South Beach and did some talking and eating, walking and people watching. It was fun and she was definitely cool beans! My first day in Miami I woke up very late, so I wasn't able to take any tours of the city. I was able to check out the shops in the neighborhood. The first was a high-end pet store (you had to/ ring the bell to get in) and a consignment shop. They had an Hermes bag in the window the night before and I wanted to check it out. Turns out it was a fake - and they wanted $450 for it! I did get a pashmina for $5 (it had a hole in it) and a nice bracelet. I also checked out a park and watched some kids play a few organized sports and then got a snack before the Afrobella party.

aaand i think im going to end this here, and make this post a multi one. i got a lot of things to say!

Manic Monday

2010-10-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

I know its been a long time, huh? Im sorry, but I have been out of town, having fun baby! But now Im back and ready to get down to business. Todays Manic Monday offering isnt terribly "manic", but its a song from a group I used to love. I got back in touch with the music when I was trying to fill my iPod, and am truly digging their song.

What I am not digging, however, is their look. Oh my God, check out the lead singer- dude looks like a tweeker! And thats not a good thing!

Im trying to give them the benefit of the doubt by reminding myself that they are from England, and we all know how horrible their teeth are. But seriously, dude needs some assistance in the mouthal area.

Anywho. Please enjoy, but don't look at, this video by the Blow Monkeys, Digging Your Scene!

Miami Hoe Ish!

2010-10-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, do not, I repeat, DO NOT play this video unless you want to be assailed with all kindsa nekkid foolishness. This video is not for the smart and cute. This video is for hoe ish thats in Miami - enjoy!

Class Fail!

2010-10-07T22:56:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure you readers know, I'm out of town, attending the Blogalicious conference in South Beach, Florida! The actual conference starts tomorrow, but I came down a few days early to check out the place, as I haven't been to Miami since, well, for a really long, long time, ok? I'm staying at one hotel today, another hotel til Monday, and then my college roommates place til Thursday. Since Im going to be the guest of so many different people, I thought Id talk about some basic travel etiquette.

Staying at hotels doesnt require much effort on the guests part. You just want to be nice and polite to all the employees, especially if they're doing their best to make sure you have a good stay at their establishment. There will be occasions when you do have to tip, and depending upon the kind of hotel you're staying in, you might be tipping one or two people, or five or six. People you really need to tip include,

*Shuttle driver

*Bellhop (handles your luggage)

*Maid

*and of course, all waitstaff

Now, if you're staying at the home of a friend, you don't want to tip folks (unless, you think they'll really like it, lol). What you should do is get them what is called a hostess gift. Generally, most hostess gifts are food or household items, so that everyone in the household can enjoy it. In the past, I have sent my hosts fruit baskets. Yeah, its sorta cheesy, but there were teens in the house, so I knew the fruit would get eaten. Other gifts could include nice bottles of wine and liquor, decorative items like glass or crystal bowls, potpourri, candles, table linens. My last house guest got me a book. It was considered one of Japan's great 20th century works. I found it a bit odd because it was about suicide, but I did appreciate the creativity!

So my job next week is to figure out what my roommate would appreciate as a gift. I think its going to be a difficult one, cuz I honestly don't think she wants a fruit basket, lol. Yeah, I'm going to have to dig down deep and get creative about this one! I have some ideas already, but I wont say them here - she reads this blog!

Have any of you readers received a hostess gift? If so, what was it? Were you actually able to make use of it?

Manic Monday

2010-10-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

Well, its that time of week again, Manic Monday! And today Im featuring a wee little new wavish/poppish tune for ya. I've always liked this song; I even have it on my iPod. So, please enjoy, Metro by Berlin@

Berlin - Metro
Uploaded by Tunashaker. - See the latest featured music videos.

Where Im Coming From

2010-10-01T21:05:00.001-07:00

If youve been reading this blog for the past two weeks, then you know that I recently took place in a "blogathon" called No Wedding, No Womb (NWNW) which was supposed to be a solution to the high rate of out of wedlock births in the African American community. There has been a lot of fallout on the web as a result of this. I don't think much of that vitrol has been addressed to me, but I still wanted to let folks know where I was coming from, ok? And Im coming from two different places, so lets try to keep up.

1) Family History: I can go back 3-4 generations - on both sides - and I can find no instance of an out of wedlock birth. In my family, all of the births came after the couples had been married. When I was growing up, that fact was impressed upon me. Its just not something that we do. And, so far, my younger sister I have upheld that standard.*

2) Ive tried to keep this from the blog, but for the past two years I have worked as an abortion counselor. I have probably talked to several hundred women from all across the United States, from all walks of life, and I have heard many tales of woe. Ive heard about the usual calamities - rape, incest - and Ive heard about all kinds of birth control malfunctions.

i have heard horror stories about all the forms of birth control out there. trust me, you dont wanna know. im just happy that a lot of those things were developed when i was older, cuz id i would just die if i had to deal with some of the ish ive heard. but this post isnt about birth control, so let me get back to the point.

In talking to women about their current pregnancies, ssometimes these ladies would tell me how they became pregnant. "He said he wanted to have a baby with me" or "He said wouldn't it be great to see what a child of ours would look like". When these women obliged, the men then abandoned them.

I also spoke to women about their lives in general. A great deal of the women already had children, sometimes with different men. These women reported that their lives were very difficult. Ofttimes the fathers of these children weren't actively involved in their children's lives, so the burden of childcare fell to them. A lot of these women were on public assistance, or worked several jobs in order to provide for their kids.

It seems to me that if more women practiced mindful procreation, they might have had a better chance of providing a better life for themselves and their children. If they had higher standards for themselves (and their unborn children) they might have tried to choose a better partner with whom to have kids. To me, it seems as if in order to have high standards one must have a high sense of self, and, in my experience, that is woefully absent in our youth.

So what can we do about this? There are soooooo many reasons that contribute to this issue, it boggles the mind. But let me provide you a brief list of some of the things I think contribute to out of wedlock births and absentee parents:

Lack of quality education
Lack of access to funds for higher education
Lack of good-paying jobs that allow folks to support a growing family
Lack of effective parenting skills
Lack of good role models
Lack of treatment for addictions - drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling, etc.
Lack of safe, quality housing
Lack of access to good sexual education and birth control
Lack of effective mental health treatment

If I wanted to sit here for hours, the list could go on and on.

Look, marriage isn't a panacea. It isn't a cure-all. Ish can all fall apart. To me, people actively searching for and then committing to suitable life partners is just one way in which we can attempt to make the future a little better for our children.

*There have been a few exceptions. The first was my maternal grandfather's first wife's child from her home state. I never grew up knowing about her, and shes never lived near the family. At this time, I'm trying to track her down so I can give her some of her mother's things. The second instance of an out of wedlock birth were my older sister's two children. We are related on my fathers side, and when she announced the first pregnancy, it was a huge scandal. Our grandfather fell out on the floor crying and thrashing around. But the fathers of my sisters children are very involved in their lives, even maintaining primary custody of them.

Sorry, Ya'll

2010-09-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

Ive been off my game this week because my cat Ivan has developed arthritis. It seems his fat behind gaining 20 ounces in 5 months has caused a huge flare up that has resulted in a trip to the er, isolation, and a whole lotta meds, none of which he wants to take. As a result Ive been worried and distressed and have had to stay awake at indecent hours to make sure hes ok. He is my baby you know!

But I will get back on track!

Manic Monday

2010-09-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

Well, my offering for this week's Manic Monday is a new one, so I think you readers will like it! A few weeks ago, I heard it in a movie I was watching, and I was immediately transmitted twenty years into the past- to a time I was a young, bubbly, silly chick bopping along to this song.

So, please enjoy Step On by the Happy Mondays!

Happy Mondays - Step On
Uploaded by misslupin. - See the latest featured music videos.

No Wedding, No Womb!

2010-09-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

~wait, what, huh??

I'm sure that my long-time readers are wondering just that - what the hell is Lola talking about now?? Well, I'm participating in the No Wedding, No Womb movement because Id like to share my thoughts and feelings on the subject. I'm sure that some readers would find my views to be somewhat incongruous with my views on sex, but to me, sex and reproduction are two different things. So, today, Id like to talk about reproduction. More specifically, waiting til one is married (or in a committed monogamous relationship) before taking that additional step and having children.

I was at the Million Family March when I heard Elijah Muhammad say that he was pro-choice. He was all for women making conscious, thoughtful, decisions when choosing men to father their children. I never thought Id say (or even think) this, but I completely agree with the Honorable EM! I think women should put more thought into the kind of man they want to have children with, what kind of father they'd like for their children.

Just think about it, don't you value your unborn children? Don't you think your future progeny deserve to have the best life possible? So, if you have high standards for the lives of your future children, you should have high standards for the father of these children as well!

One statement Ive heard from a lot of folks is, "If it was good enough for me, its good enough for them." I hate that statement. I mean, shouldn't we want more for our children? Shouldn't we want to give them all the things that we didn't have? And my statement isn't just limited to material items, it also pertains to qualities, characteristics and relationships as well.

I came to this conclusion all on my own. Several decades ago (when I was married) I looked at my life and swore that I would do better by my children, and give them all the things I didn't have. That includes a two parent household, with two loving, caring, actively involved parents, who were there for their child through good times and bad. I think my future children are worth it.

I want other women out there to feel the same way about their unborn children. Your progeny to-be's, your future mini-me's deserve so much - why not get them started on the right foot and give them the best start you possibly can by selecting, dating and marrying the best father possible!

So lets think about postponing motherhood until after marriage. Because one of the qualities that the best father for your future children would have is the respect, consideration and love for their mother - enough to want to make a commitment and marry her. And if you're dating a man that thinks otherwise, just tell him (as you're leaving) no wedding, no womb!